Well it looks like y’all are in danger of being fired because here is the PINK SLIP. On this edition of the Pink Slip I only have one topic, and its been a long time coming.

Glenn

Anybody who reads this site can probably tell that I have some irrational hatred of Kane. It doesn’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense to most people. It’s just one of those things that can’t be helped. But I figure since everybody is going to have to deal with my Kane bashing, you probably would like to know where I am coming from.

This whole thing revolves around that one thing that most notably has changed Kane, the loss of his mask. I really had no hard feelings towards the guy when he wore the mask. I might even say I enjoyed watching him some of the time. But then somebody in the company decided it was time for a change. I am not saying who, mainly cause I don’t know who.

At this point in Kane’s wrestling career he was tag teaming with RVD. He had been known as a more light hearted Kane at this point, but things would change. I don’t exactly remember the match leading up to Kane taking off the mask, mainly because it wasn’t the match that was the focus. I do know that he lost the match and Kane’s shitastic voyage would begin.

Now here is where I begin to see the slide of Kane. First let me point out that these feelings toward Kane are merely directed to his on screen character. I have no hard feelings toward Glenn the person.

After the “huge shock” of seeing Kane take off his mask, people were very excited about seeing what would happen next. Especially because all that black eye make-up that he was wearing when he actually took off the mask made it so you really couldn’t see his face. Well then storyline kicked in and all that talk before about how Kane was scarred in the fire would have to be dealt with. So how does WWE creative do it. “They were emotional scars”. This is where I start to get miffed. If all of us knew that they were emotional scars back when Kane first showed up he would have got about as much attention as Simon Dean. I understand that they had to explain it someway but don’t you think that, back when Kane first debuted, they might have thought that one day they would have to pull his mask off, mainly because usually almost every masked wrestler will lose his mask eventually. You think they could have planted the seeds for this story early just so when it does finally happen we are not all left wondering why we cared about this guy in the first place.

After the unmasking WWE tried to push Kane as the crazy monster who would destroy anybody who looked, talked, or farted in his general direction. The problem I have with this push was that now that we took the mask off and proved to everyone that he is indeed human were gonna push him like he’s a monster again. WHAT?!? This is especially hard to believe because given the way that Kane’s body shape was, and that oddly shaved head of his, he was starting to resemble some sort of shaved ape baby, that had gotten a hold of some human growth hormone. So this is when I start to turn on Kane, but I am not fully in the fuck Kane category yet.

Much further down the line we get to probably the most damaging part of Kane’s career (for me), Edge and Lita. This whole storyline was fucked up in the first place. Kane kidnapping Lita, from Matt Hardy mind you, then forcing himself on her and then impregnating her. If all this wasn’t bad enough, then Lita seems to start liking Kane after this, or maybe she was just starting to realize that his seed was inside of her, how much worse can it get. Then enter Snitsky, this is where things get really confusing. Snitsky comes out to fuck with Kane but inadvertently hits Lita with a chair causing her to have a miscarriage. But she still loves Kane, oh wait not really she’s just playing him because she’s in to Edge. Edge then proceeds to publicly humiliate Kane every chance he gets by making out with Lita in the most disturbing way possible. Now I know what this angle was supposed to illustrate, Edge and Matt Hardy, I get that. That’s a whole ‘nother rant.

This monumentally ridiculous feud culminates in an Edge and Lita wedding. Kane decides to interrupt this wholly evil event by sticking his head through the ring. Yes, not running down, not setting the entire ring ablaze. No, by sticking his head out of the middle of the fucking ring. This left Edge with only one clear alternative, kicking Kane’s head as much as he could. You know this whole thing could be over if Edge just had curb stomped his ass. Well as soon as Kane gets out of this hole in the middle of the ring, Edge takes it to the next level by bolting with Lita, making Kane’s interference one of the most absurd events in this whole feud, nay of the whole year. The rest of the feud was spent putting Edge over Kane. That’s what happens to monsters when you steal their girlfriend, they job to you. This was one of the major factors in me not liking Kane ever again. I mean how can you believe that a guy is a psycho when all he could do to the guy that supposedly stole his woman was get the crap beat out of him by said person. But that’s not what turned it to hate. which brings me May 19th.

This event was brought about by Kane’s entrance to the world of motion pictures in See No Evil. I will eventually have to review this movie for the site but I’m kind of putting it off. I’m a horror movie buff and this movie looks like it’s going to suck something terrible. Well being that the WWE creative team decided that, since their monster was playing a monster in a movie, they would integrate it into storyline. What followed was the altogether pimpage and destruction of Kane. Every week we were tortured with behind the scenes of See No Evil where Kane would consistently tell us that he enjoyed the murder scenes where he was able to act out his dark fantasies. So at this point WWE starts pushing Kane as if he is a homicidal maniac, oh wait that was the movie, oh wait that was on raw. from this point on we are bombarded with See No Evil and May 19th. Kane starts telling everyone that something bad is going to happen on May 19th, which coincided with the release of his movie. I guess that was the bad thing at least for the audience. When May 19th came Kane shows up on Smackdown and beats up everyone in the main event. This is what WWE built up to, Kane running in to Smackdown for no reason. Kane spent all of this time telling us that he was enjoying acting like he murdered people and when this day of infamy arrived he showed up and beat some people down. This was the biggest waist of time, especially considering that all this was leading up to a movie that did not do very well in theaters. It eventually made some money but not because of this abortion of an angle. This finally put me in the fuck Kane department.

Which brings me to now. Kane is on Smackdown as one of the guys Teddy Long uses to put heels in their place. His physique is not what it used to be, to put nicely his stomach is starting to resemble the iron sheik’s. However, WWE creative still seems to push him as that unstoppable monster. I think its time for a change.

Well for these and other reasons Kane is on my shit list. Maybe one day he will pull himself off said list, But if WWE creative has any say he will always be the very stoppable monster