May 15, 2007

Hey, it’s everyone’s favorite televised dark show! ECW!

We open with Vince on the tron live from somewhere other than the arena. The only good thing to come of this is the fact that he’s NOT HERE. Why doesn’t he tell us about SABU and how there are mysteriously only 3 originals now? It has begun.

Tonight’s show apparently just says fuck your own entranceway as we are using the Smackdown set tonight. These really are televised dark matches now. It’s the third hour of Raw and the first hour of Smackdown. Boy am I lucky - especially considering what’s next:

Snitsky vs. RVD: winner - RVD (but by DQ, so don’t get too fucking excited)

23Log’s Ranking: Fuck Snitsky rule in full effect. Not even RVD could save this one. It’s like watching Kane part 2. RVD just went through his spots until he frustrated Snitsky, who then just grabbed a chair and hit RVD with it, earning the DQ. ECW. ECW. ECW.

Now we get a CM Punk promo like he just showed up, which makes sense if ECW’s just an extended part of Smackdown now too - apparently he’s up next.

CM Punk vs. Stevie Richards - winner: CM Punk (to make it FIVE AND ZERO over Richards)

23Log’s Ranking:and a half if I were doing such a scale. MAN, is Richards still on the payroll only to be a wrestling dummy for Punk? I’d say its a best of lifetime series, but Punk kind of has the upper hand from the get-go on that one. There was some good psychology in this match with Richards playing the heel working the ribs that were POOOOUUUUNNNNCCCCCED last week. Richards also bumped the rating a whole skull by doing a Low Ki stomp on Punk. It was definitely a better match than most of theirs.

New Breed backstage talking about the 3 on 1 against Lashley. Burke mentions something about smelling a stink on Striker after he lost last week. That’s funny - I just smell the same old shit.

Kevin Thorn vs. Little Guido (who is again Nunzio because we’re trying to KILL ECW, not remember it!)- winner: Thorn.

23Log’s Ranking:

This match was apparently supossed to feature Sabu doing the J-O-B, but like a true hero he said fuck all that. Here’s what happened as a result of that. So, just like when you no-show for work at McD’s, they call in a replacement to do your job. Enter Little Nunzio. He looked pretty good in this match, but not enough to escape the inevitable one skull.

Hey, look more shitty wannabe stripper dancing. God I hate this wasting of the small amount of time. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t have a roster. Apparently they brought sexy back this week - I missed it because I was making a fucking quesadilla. Want a recap, go to WWE.com and click through the cocktease pictures.

Ah, good. It’s time for our main event. I have better things to do than watch this crap any longer. Like pretty much everything else ever.

Bobby Lashley vs. New Breed (Burke, Alpha Male, Striker) - winner: Lashley

23Log’s Ranking:It was one, but Alpha Male helped it go to two (see below).

This match wasn’t near as bad as it should have been. Lashley looked pretty impressive throwing around the smaller guys, and I got to see Alpha Male actually POOOOOOOUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNCE his ass. I bet Lashley felt right at home walking down the Smackdown ramp again. This one ended when Alpha Male tagged Striker in, and he and Elijah just pretty much left the teacher in the ring to die after a one-armed spinebuster and a spear. I was totally expecting a run-in or some other bullshit ending, but was actually surprised that it ended with the New Breed doing the screwing on one of their own.

And that’s that for this week. I just hope that eventually we have a fucking title on this show that not only STAYS on the show, but is actually DEFENDED on the show by and against people who WRESTLE on the show. Is that too god damn much to ask for?

Best part of the show: I liked the POOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUNCE on Lashley. We need more of that. More POOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUNCES.

What pissed me off this week: Not Snitsky, not McMahon as champ, but the fact that one of my favorites is canned now. What the fuck is an ECW without Sabu? An ECW that is a dark show for Smackdown, that’s what. Damn it.