Smackdown Review 4/27/07
Welcome back Fuckies. It’s the down……the down of smack. This week I’m not very excited to get started. After the brain fuck that was last weeks Smackdown I‘m finding it very hard to be excited about the show this week. Especially with announced matches like Kane and Boogeyman vs. Taylor and Regal. So I apologize if I seem a bit hard on the show this week, but fucking hell the “E” stands for Entertainment so that’s what I hope for. But like I’ve always been told you can hope in one hand and shit in the other and which one will fill up faster. On that unsanitary note lets start the show.
The WWE opening kicks off but no Smackdown opening this week. Instead we come right up on Batista beating down Kennedy. This seems like a logical move after last week except for one thing. Batista’s not fighting Kennedy at the pay-per-view. So why the hell are we supposed to care about Batista and Kennedy. The beat-down continues for a couple more seconds until Finlay runs in and starts beating on Batista with his rock-on-a-stick. They all start going at it for a while until they make their way to the ring. As they start getting close to the ring Undertaker’s music hits then the lights go out. The lights come back on and Taker is standing in the ring looking at all of them like they just farted on his pillow. The three other guys stand there quaking with fear as Taker’s music hits again, and the lights go out as well. When the lights come back on Taker has disappeared.
After the break Kennedy and Finlay are in talking to Teddy Long yet again. You’d think that heels would eventually learn not to go to Teddy Long. All he does is pretend to give a crap for about 5 seconds until he makes their situation worse. And it looks like tonight is no different. Kennedy says that Batista and Undertaker should have their match tonight. Yeah…..good one Ken. That’s going to win Teddy over, giving away a pay-per-view match away for free……..oh wait they did that on RAW. Well Teddy Long says they will have a match…..wait for it…….but it will be a tag match against Kennedy and Finlay. AGH…….who didn’t see that coming. There should be a sign on Long’s door that reads HEELS DO NOT ENTER FOR FEAR OF BEING JOBBED OUT.
The first match of the night seems like it’s going to be a dooosy.
KANE AND BOOGEYMAN VS. TAYLOR AND REGAL
Boogeyman pins Regal after a double handed choke slam. This match was incredibly sloppy. Kane and Boogeyman fumbled their way through this match. It seemed like Regal and Taylor were not even able to keep these guys in any sort of groove. I found myself frequently looking at my watch during this match. There were many blown spots, many by Kane himself. Boogeyman wasn’t even tagged in until the last 30 seconds of the match. Speaking of Boogeyman, he looked especially gross today. He looked like the human equivalent to a pimple.
GOOD:
-Regal and Taylor frequently went stiff on Kane which is always nice to see against Kane.
BAD:
-Kane looked so out of it during the match.
-There were many blown spots.
-It looked like nobody knew what the other was trying to do.
-The end just looked like an easy way to keep the Boogeyman from looking weak in the ring which we all know he is.
ARROW METER RATING:
After the break London and Kendrick start heading towards the ring. It would appear that Spanky is wrestling a singles match because London is all taped up. The DDP look doesn’t really work for London. I bet your saying to yourself “Well at least this segment is going to be at least a little better then the last one,” well you’d be wrong because out come the eternal douche bags, Deuce and Domino. Yet again driving their car about seven feet and then getting out and walking 50 yards. After a certain distance it just makes it ridiculous to even bring the car out at all. So it looks like Deuce is going to be the guy that wrestles Spanky, this should be fun.
SPANKY VS. DEUCE (this sounds like a match between things guys do in the bathroom)
Deuce pinned Spanky after a kick to the head. This match was as bad as was expected. This Deuce guys whole repertoire seems to be based on hitting people hard. Spanky tried to break him down but it just came across as pointless. This match was long, it seemed to drag on, and ,even though it might be leading to a longer feud between these two teams, the match felt pointless. That was just the feeling coming off the entire thing. Deuce and Domino are really starting to piss me off.
GOOD:
- Spanky tried his hardest to make Deuce look like a competent wrestler but to no avail.
BAD:
- The match was boring, no other way to say it.
- Deuce is not a strong wrestler and it is starting to show through bad.
- This match felt pointless even though it really wasn’t.
ARROW METER SAYS:
Well lets see if the next segment can continue on with the whole shows theme. The Theme so far is to put everyone on the show that pisses me off. I’m, not kidding we have a real stinker show so far.
Well there might be a ray of hope because MVP is making his way to the ring. I finally realized the whole spectrum of MVP’s character. He’s what would happen if you took Kobe Bryant, Terrell Owens, and Barry Bonds put them in a blender and hit gooify.
He hit’s the ring with a mic and starts cutting a promo. He starts talking about beating champions. This must mean were about to get a jobber thrown at MVP. It looks like I was right but MVP says instead of one “champion” he is going to fight two “champions.” He introduces the first one. The guy comes out and he looks like a drunk frat boy who decided to dress as William Wallace for a Halloween party. MVP announces him as Hamlet McBeth. Come on guys Hamlet McBeth was Romeo Henry the 5th taken.
MVP VS. HAMLET MCBETH
MVP pinned Mr. McBeth after he hit the playmaker. And that is about as much attention as this match is worth. Anything more would be giving way to much attention then the Smackdown writers gave it.
GOOD:
- Again we got to see MVP’s arsenal.
BAD:
- This match was a squash on top of a squash so it was pretty much boring.
ARROW METER?
After the match MVP prepares to announce the next opponent when Benoit’s music hits and he comes out. Benoit says that if you feel like fighting a champion then why not fight a real champion. So Benoit makes his way to the ring. Are they really going to give this match away only two days away from the pay-per-view.
MVP VS. CHRIS BENOIT
Huh……looks they are. MVP walked out on Benoit right before he hit the flying head butt. This match was pretty long considering it’s at Backlash on Sunday. It was actually a pretty decent match-up between these two guys. For the most part Benoit owned MVP. The ending was the only logical way from making people who are actually going to order Backlash from feeling like they just saw one of the matches for free.
GOOD:
- I said it after Wrestlemania and I will say it again, these guys can work together well.
- The ending was expected but good.
BAD:
- The match was a little long for the people who are actually going to order Backlash.
ARROW METER WHAT HAVE YOU?
Jillian came out to the ring, presumably to make them regret coming to the show. Yep…..she starts singing. Michelle McCool comes to the ring for what looks like a match.
JILLIAN VS. MICHELLE McCOOL
Jillian won the match after giving Michelle some kind of face buster. This was about as standard a women’s match you can have in the WWE today. Blown spots, a lot of slapping and hitting, and two girls wearing something that would look a little too revealing at a beach. I’m not complaining about that last one.
GOOD:
- Um……….Boobs
BAD:
- Pretty much everything else.
WHAT YOU THINK ARROW METER?
After the match Jillian tries to sing again but gets tackled by Michelle. That was pretty funny actually.
Up next is the main event. I don’t have to tell in what order they come out. Let me just say that over two commercial breaks Kennedy, Finlay, Batista, and Undertaker came out.
KENNEDY AND FINLAY VS. BATISTA AND UNDERTAKER
Batista pins Finlay after giving him the spine buster. This match was actually kind of frustrating for me. See……it was a no DQ match, yet Undertaker spent most of the match watching Batista get double teamed while he just sat there trying to get the tag. It was a goddamned no DQ match he could have just run in and helped. Hell if he was trying to soften up Batista he could have run in and done it himself. Most of the match was Kennedy and Finlay double teaming whoever was in the ring. They used the no DQ but Batista and Undertaker looked like they had forgotten it was a no DQ match. Nothing much else special happened in the match. Batista over-sold the leg injury. Kennedy and Finlay did what they do, in being heels. I still don’t get the fact that since Batista and Taker are fighting at Backlash why are they fighting Kennedy and Finlay instead of each other. It makes no sense.
GOOD:
- There were no blown spots or nothing.
- Kennedy and Finlay heeling it up was pretty entertaining.
BAD:
- Batista and Undertaker seemed to forget that it was a no DQ match.
- Nothing happened that I would consider interesting in this match.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ARROW METER?
Overall this show stunk for me. There really wasn’t anything entertaining other then MVP and Benoit’s pre-Backlash match. Segment after Segment just seemed to be trotting out the dull. I really hope shit starts to pick up after Backlash.
WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE SHOW ARROW METER?
Well see ya next week. Hopefully it will be better, cause it can’t get any worse.