April 24, 2007

European fun continues with ECW is UK this time. I’ve always wanted to go to England, but not on this night, as we open the show with fucking Umaga and fucking Lashley in what I’m sure will be completely pointless. At least he’s wrestling on his own show…

Umaga vs. Lashley - winner: Lashley

23Log’s Ranking: Stupid ass ending….only fitting to  stupid ass match in a stupid ass feud, though.

….as he wins by DQ - he and the asphalt headed Samoan brawl for a bit (with the crowd being very pro-Lashley - they don’t know better), then Armando Estrada decides he wants to play with the big boys. It’s around this time that Vince comes out and calls off Umaga, while Estrada gets completely owned by a weak-looking spear that apparently “nearly cut him in half”, if you ask Styles. No, a katana would nearly cut you in half. A football tackle will merely sweep you off your feet. Either way, the whole thing ends with Estrada being hilariously thrown high and hard over the top rope to the outside.

Now it’s backstage with the New Breed - Burke’s not too cool with Punk challenging his authority, but the other guys seem to be cool with it. That’s cause they’re all tools. Even YOU, Mr. COR VON. You shoulda stayed in TNA - your role is now filled by Scott Steiner….

There might have been something before this, but to be honest I was flipping between this and playing N64 No Mercy…

Snitsky vs. Balls Mahoney - winner: Not Balls

23Log’s Ranking: Only for Balls’ Type O Negative shirt.

Snitsky’s teeth this week looked rotted out - in case everything about him wasn’t hideous enough. Same Snitsky bullshit, though, as he no-sells pretty much everything Balls did, then hits the stupid boot. If this guy’s such a fucking powerful tank, why doesn’t HE go after the damn belt? I just can’t imagine anyone caring about this fucker.

More promo with the New Breed as Punk is trying to fire up the troops, much to Burke’s disapproval. This better be going somewhere….

Then we get the worst transition I can remember in a long time as Styles goes from talking about Winston Churchill to talking about Umaga. Wow.

We’re just going to skip RIGHT to the main event after that one.

ECW Originals vs. New Breed - 8 man elimination tag - winner: Originals (RVD final member)

23Log’s Ranking: But let me clarify - one extra skull was for a spot before the first elimination - Burke and Dreamer started the match off, and Dreamer looked like he really socked the shit out of Elijah right in the cheek-neck area. It looked pretty real to me…same old match otherwise. AGAIN. I guess that’s what happens when you have a fifteen person roster. At least it was better than the other two combined. 

Before the match, there’s debate as to who is going to be on the New Breed team - Burke finally tells Punk to take a seat and watch. Oooohhh….tension in the ranks. So it’s Burke, Alpha Male, Thorn, and Striker vs. Sabu, Dreamer, Sandman, and RVD. Here’s how it goes down:

First elimination is Sandman after he whiffs the “Rolling Rock” and gets rolled up by Striker.

Second out is the teacher after a sunset flip powerbomb and split-leg moonsault by RVD. Like anyone else in there could do that…

Number three is Sabu, after Alpha Male hits what they FINALLY fucking call the POUNCE! PERIOD. Now doesn’t that sound a lot god damn better than “misdirectional shoulder tackle” or whatever the fuck they were saying?

Number four is the Alpha Male, who gets himself DQed after crotching RVD on the guardrail intentionally, which apparently is illegal NOW, but wasn’t when they did it to RVD earlier. Big ass question mark on this one - ? ECW….ECW…ECW….

Fifth out is the vampire, who feels the wrath of the mighty Tommy Dreamer DDT. Sho nuff.

RIGHT after this, Burke comes in with the running knee blast thing to the turnbuckle and takes care of Dreamer.

Now it’s down to RVD/Burke (gee, never seen this one before….*coughLASTWEEKcough*), which leads to a spot where Burke is wheel-kicked by RVD to the outside, which is followed by the referee stopping RVD from jumping on him to the outside. WTF? Apparently, he didn’t want that to happen because he KNEW that CM Punk, sitting at ringside, would jump up and kick Elijah in the back of the head, leading to the ***** frog splash and the win for ECW.

After the match, Punk jumps in the ring, nails Elijah with the GTS, then tells him he’s sorry. Ok - at least it IS going somewhere. I’ll give it that.

That’s where they leave us this week.

Best part of the show: I have to say I was most entertained by the tossing of Armando Estrada to the floor. Sad, huh?

What pissed me off this week: Shitty same matches week in and week out. Damn it.