WWE RAW Review - 04/16/07
WWE RAW Review
Written by SystemCrash
This review is normally written by our resident beaner El Gringo, however System Crash is going on vacation next week for two weeks. El Gringo will return to write RAW next week as it comes live from England. We’re still looking for someone to review Smackdown each week, if you’re that person please contact us.
Raw is spaghetti as we are in Italy this week.
We open up with the super tool Coachman. The coach said he will get his way tonight and Cena will face Rated RKO tonight, let’s watch Cena overcome the odds again. Now Vince comes out with his mobster hat. He is universally hated and he doesn’t even get a cheap pop when he mentions Milan. Now comes out Umaga fucking great, this is a shitty way open RAW. We get a recap of last week great like I give a shit I watched RAW last week and I’m sure most of you did as well, I prefer not to remember last week. McMahon says his team will destroy Lashley at Backlash and Lashley will not be here tonight.
Open challenge for Umaga and his title tonight and no one comes out. Goes to show no one cares about the IC title. McMahon says a member of the crowd will step up and face Umaga. He points to a kid and he clutches his dad. This is fucking shit on a stick, what a way to treat the Italian fans by wasting their time with this bullshit. Looks like Vince picked up a plant out of the crowd as usual. We get soccer chants on RAW yay. After enough stalling we get a referee down here and its 916. The crowd is chanting shit I can’t understand. The bell finally rings at 9:17. This plant owned Umaga for the first minute until Vince got a mic and said there has been some misunderstanding. McMahon said this is no DQ match. Armada slapped Santino and Santino slapped him back. Umaga attacks Santino from behind and starts to dominate him until Lashley shows up and beats up Umaga. Lashley helps Santino win the IC title. This was definitely not a predictable ending with the new guy winning the title. I figured it was more of McMahon’s bullshit.
Commercial break
We’re back with Santino in the ring with Lawler. He cut a promo in Italian and it was better than a Khali promo even if I don’t understand what he said. Oh yeah Lashley was in the ring talking about how he’ll retain the ecw title blah blah fucking blah superman!
Flair and Carlito are in a match next as we go to commercial.
Well next week we get HBK vs Cena match great.
Well Ric Flair is mega over in Italy as Carlito and Flair come down to the ring to face the World’s Greatest Tag Team. Carlito dominates the WGTT and sent both men outside. Flair gets the tag in and the WGTT owns Flair. WGTT win and that’s cool. Carlito is turning into the crybaby heel. This match sucked and we go to commercial.
We get a recap of Mick Foley and that kid from the Make A Wish foundation. Backstage with Maria and John Cena and even Italy hates John Cena!! YES THIS CROWD RULES. Shawn is liked everywhere except Canada. The crowd is hot for Shawn and finally a chant I can understand. HBK says he doesn’t have his back and doesn’t care.
We go to ringside with Lawler and Ross and they show the Italian announce team. One of these Italian guys looks like a fat version of Tazz. We’re treated to a preview of The Condemned. Big fucking deal I want wrestling. Instead I get Melina looking into a mirror and we get Nitro’s new gimmick he hates special people.
A Great Khali promo and he is in action next week. Now we get nitro vs Eugene.
Nitro jumps Eugene before the bell, hopefully this match is short. The Eugene character needs to fuck off and die bring out Nick Dinsmore. Nitro with the rude awakening for the win.
Next we get the RAW fashion show; I think its time for me to take a piss since these pointless bitches are coming out. Great I come back and the commercial is still going on which means the segment hasn’t happened yet DAMMIT!
I found this dude in the ring speaking Italian more interesting than a Khali promo. Italy is atleast popping for the plastic tits. Michelle comes out with stupid angel wings. Victoria comes out in a dress that makes her look fat. Mickie looks like a desperate housewife fucking milf looking. Maria comes out with the glam look fuck yeah, lucky CM Punk. Torrie came out with a decent outfit. Melina comes out looking like shit. Regardless I WANT WRESTLING! The winner; certainly not us at home. This goes to prove Divas Do Nothing, but the winner is Torrie Wilson. What a waste of 10+ minutes.
And we come back from to commercial to a single match Jeff Hardy w/Matt Hardy vs Lance Cade w/Trevor Murdoch. Jeff hardy is mega over in Italy, because Hardy probably partied hard at the raves in Italy. Long match for those two with Cade with a clean win over Jeff Hardy. Not much really happened in the match until the end. ANOTHER GOD DAMN PREVIEW FOR THE CODEMNED this must be the new battle of the billionaires.
Speaking of Masterpieces he has a mic in Italy and they hate his ass too and we get a the millionth rematch between Super Crazy and Chris Masters. I give Super Crazy credit for pulling a decent match out of Masters every time. Masters does bump his ass for Super Crazy props to him. I think Cena has more heel heat than masters still. Chris Masters with the wheel barrow move.
We’re treated to recap of what happened earlier in the evening with Santino winning the IC title. Then back to Lawler and Ross at ringside running down the Backlash card. We cut to Edge and Orton and the crowd shits on them too. So who is the face in this handicap match? Well Edge and Orton say they on the same page umm sure.
Back from commercial sounds like Edge is over with Italy, but what about Orton. The crowd is already booing before Cena comes out and they shit on him once the music cues. Cena has two fans in the audience and go figure it’s a bunch of dumb bitches. If this crowd knows anything in English is Cena sucks. This is like Chicago all over again but we’re in Italy and Cena is getting massive heat. The crowd chants Cena sucks good job Italy. Hell Orton is getting face pops for his offense, but Cena gets booed when he tries anything. Edge plays to the crowd as we go to commercial.
We’re back and Cena is getting destroyed and Cena is getting more heat than Mr. McMahon. This crowd rocks. McMahon needs to take the hint and turn Cena heel and get the title off of him. Cena with his a nice legdrop onto Edge. HBK comes down to pull down the top rope to let Orton out. Cena goes for his five moves of doom. Cena is the new Hogan. Orton dropkicks Cena to save Edge from the FU. Ref bump. Edge with a spear onto Orton, sweet chin music to Edge, FU to HBK, and Cena wins. Great who the fuck who cares about this guy overcoming the odds for the millionth time? The guy can no sell bullets and explosions.
This RAW was very up and down the whole night, the crowd was great, but RAW had way too many replays, filler material, and non wrestling bullshit. Sports Entertainment sucks I want wrestling.