23Log’s ECW: the Re-CRAP

April 10, 2007

We begin today with the least extreme thing possible - Vince McMahon. He does have some good news for us - Lashley will not be here tonight. Why, you ask? He does us the favor of showing us the beatdown from Raw, then drops the mother of all knowledge: Shane McMahon is the greatest superstar in the history of the WWE. You have officially made my life suck, Vince - and I was having such a good day. Just for that, I’m not recapping anything more that you have to say.

CM Punk is backstage with RVD and Elijah Burke being the center of the tug-o-war again. Thank God - he tells us that he’ll finally make a decision on which side to join later tonight. What’s wrong with NO side, man???

First match of the night - sorta yay!!

Tommy Dreamer vs. Kevin Thorn - winner: Thorn

23Log’s Ranking: One very BLAH skull…

Thorn wins with the “Dark Kiss” thing again. I really tried to care, but I just don’t….I’m sorry.

From here, we go to the Extreme Cheerleaders applying their makeup in the mirror, when Snitsky walks in and just stares at them. If someone was going to throw a thermal detonator anywhere at any point, THIS is the room and the time is NOW. ECW would automatically stop sucking so much….they flee in fear, Snitsky’s ugly. That’s that.

Preview for the Condmened movie. No point in saying anything else.

CM Punk vs. Stevie Richards - winner: Punk

23Log’s Ranking: AGAIN, I’ve seen this one before - fairly recently, as I recall….

This one had a tiny difference, however - Sandman & Striker were at ringside “scouting” - there ARE monitors in the back, you know…but they just HAD to get involved as Sandman nearly costs Punk the match by swinging the cane sideways at Striker (that’s his first mistake) and hitting Punk in the ass-thigh instead. He still wins off a rollup, making Punk’s all-time record against Richards (I believe) 4-0. Clean sweep. Fucking rematches…this is what happens when you don’t have a roster.

Yippie it’s dance time - I played Tekken instead. After I got my ass kicked by Heihachi, I switched it back to find Snitsky stalking over Layla, who apparently forgot that there is, in fact, a space under the bottom rope by which to escape (just like her two friends did - and here I thought Kelly Kelly was the retarded one…). Her caveman in shining, uh, leather shows up with a steel chair, but Balls Mahoney can’t even phase the Big Ugly with a chairshot. We then find out that the boot is mightier than the steel. Fuck Snitsky. I repeat - fuck Snitsky.

In case you care, the little broad does escape - if I ever was rooting for Snitsky…

We gear up for our main event, which is:

MONTY BROWN (w/ Elijah Burke) vs. Rob Van Dam (w/Sabu) - winner: Alpha Male

23Log’s Ranking: Only because it was better than the first two, but that’s not really saying too much…

This match was kind of slow moving & sleepy, but not terrible. It’s fairly back & forth the whole time with RVD getting his RVD spots in, but MONTY BROWN keeping him grounded - at least until he hit him with one of those overhead suplexes where the guy basically moonsaults himself onto his own face. Good spot. Match ends when Burke attacks Sabu, gets RVD’s attention, and totally baits him for the JUST CALL IT THE POUNCE, ALREADY, leading to the 1-2-3 from Alpha Male.

Nothing interesting happens until CM Punk comes down to help Sabu & RVD (seemingly), then jumps in the ring to fight the New Breed (seemingly)…then he shakes their hands and joins. Punk’s officially turns heel, tipping the balance of heels and faces on ECW to a ridiculous level. Maybe they figure that Lashley will offset everyone….either way, at least this was interesting, but I’m worried that Punk’s just another face in a gang as a heel, instead of a semi-interesting character that he was as a face. I’d like to think they won’t fuck it up, but they probably will….

That’s where it ends - with the whole New Breed celebrating like Punk just hit the game winner or something….

Best part of the show: Punk’s heel turn. Again, it was different - and different is good. But again, I do question the logic behind this, as CM was the only guy other than RVD that was just naturally over as a face. We’ll see..

What pissed me off this week: I STILL hate Snitsky, but I got McMahon too this week, so it’s a dead fucking tie here.