Smackdown Review 4/06/07
Ah-hoy there fuckies, The Boss is back with the Smackiest of the Smackdown review. For the two people who read this review, you might have noticed that last week was unfortunately lacking in the Smackdown department. My cable yet again went and didn’t record Smackdown. I thought about just writing something up from the results, but I decided against it. I owe all two of you a review that actually reviews the show not just talks about results. That, and I figured nobody would notice. Now on to the down of smack.
Well this week were coming off the biggest pay-per view of the year…Wrestlemania. I tell you this like you don’t already know. Some things happened at that show, Kennedy won Money in the Bank, Mercury is still fired, and….oh yeah Undertaker beat Blahtista for the World Championship belt. I’m so happy. Let’s see how they can fuck this up.
Kennedy starts off this weeks show, by coming out to the ring with his metal case, meaning that he is Mr. Money in The Bank…………Bank. He cuts a promo about his win and introduces us to the next big era of wrestling, announcing that the Kennedy era has just begun……..begun. I love this whole repeat the last word thing. People at work think I’m autistic because I’ve started to do this in every day life. could you imagine doing this in the drive-thru at McDonald’s, “Yeah I’d like a cheeseburger….cheeseburger ,and some fries…..fries, also a coke…….coke”. Yeah that’s fun.
Jeff Hardy then pays a visit to the Smackdown arena. You know I just figured it out. there is no brand split, it was all a clever trick to make us think that were seeing something different then Mondays. I’m not fooled…….not anymore. It looks like we’re getting a match.
JEFF HARDY VS. MR. KENNEDY
Kennedy def. Hardy off of a DDT
A decent little opening match here. Jeff Hardy seems to wrestle the same type of match over and over, but it’s not out of place considering that the type of match he wrestles is consistently entertaining. Kennedy dominated most of this match with the exception of the beginning. There were a few slow spots but nothing that took away from the match as a whole. the crowd was very much pro-Hardy.
GOOD
- Pretty good opening match with a good pace.
- I usually don’t get to see Jeff Hardy at all so that was nice
- Kennedy won…so that makes it good in my book
BAD
- Nothing really unique at all
- Jeff Hardy wrestles one type of match
OVERALL RATING: GOOD
After the match, as Kennedy’s heading towards the back, Hornswaggle (god I feel like a tool when I type that) comes running out towards Kennedy. While Kennedy is looking at the little guy Finlay clobbers Kennedy with the shelale……I still can’t spell that word, looks like it’s still rock on a stick. Finlay then grabs Kennedy and tells him that if he ever touches Hornswaggle again he will be watching Wrestlemania from a wheelchair. Ah….. so that’s what happened to Droz. I guess it makes sense though, my mom always told me that I better stop touching my hornswaggle, and I hardly ever got out of my chair. Finlay walks towards the back as they go to break.
Back from break, and Teddy Long appears to be getting his Mack on in the back with one of the divas, that whole line would have been funnier if Rodney Mack still worked for the company. And as always Kennedy runs in while a brother is trying to get with it. I’m sure because Kennedy did this that Long will put him in like a funeral match against Kane and the Undertaker, the object of the match is to be the first one to kill Kennedy. Kennedy then asks Long for a match with Hornswaggle, and Long agrees. So next week it will be Kennedy vs. Hornswaggle…………oh and Finlay. See I knew it Teddy can’t go five minutes without screwing a heel on this show. It’s all well and good but…come on at least try and mix it up every now and again.
We go now to Ashley walking backstage, when all of a sudden Timbalin comes to talk to Ashley. I’m not really sure what they talked about, pretty much the whole conversation was in new gibberish. Then Gillian interrupts the intellectual spouting of random syllables so she could give Timbalin a taste of the singing pipes from hell. Her singing sounds a lot like Howard the Duck having a seizure.
Benoit greets us from out of the break. He heads to the ring…..well pretty much that’s it. AAAHHHH Fuck…..The Miz then heads out to the ring. You know if there is one person who I would love to see boiled in acid up to his chin it’s the Miz.
CHRIS BENOIT VS THE MIZ
The Miz def. Chris Benoit, lets just say by interference from MVP
I really didn’t even have to watch this match to know what it was going to be like. One of these Wrestlers is a great talent who has constantly been known as one of the best talents in wrestling ever. The other is a black hole of talent, any talent even near him gets sucked up into oblivion. Can you guess which one is which. The Miz is like the Paris Hilton of the WWE, you know the only reason he’s on TV is because he sucked a dick somewhere. The only thing that came out of this match is that maybe we’ll see a rematch between MVP and Benoit.
GOOD:
- Chris Benoit
BAD:
-The Miz
OVERALL RATING: Bad (sorry Chris The Miz’s sucktastic ways took this match)
Backstage Booker is bitching about Matt Hardy grabbing the queen during the MITB match. The run to a match as we go to break.
Back from break and Booker is on his way to this ring missing a lot of the fanfare that we usually get from a King Booker entrance. Matt hardy then makes his way to the ring in about the same fashion he has done for about three years now.
KING BOOKER VS. MATT HARDY
Matt Hardy def. King Booker with a small package roll up
This match was pretty slow all the up to the last minute or so when it started to pick up a bit. The whole match, other then the end, was just Booker beating on Hardy and wearing him down with holds. there were times during the match Hardy would start some offense only to be stopped cold. The end of the match was quite a bit faster then the rest of it. It seemed very much like these two were saving everything they had for the end of the match.
GOOD:
- The ending was unexpected, I did not see Hardy taking this one.
- For about the last minute of the match these guys had a good back and forth match going on
BAD:
- For the most part the match was slow and a little boring.
- Sharmel was more annoying then usual on the sidelines.
- Too many stall moves in a TV match
OVERALL RATING: GOOD
After the match Sharmel comes into the ring with a mic and berates Booker for losing. She calls Booker a disappointment, then she bolts as we go to break.
Back from the break and Dave Taylor is in the ring with William Regal. Kane’s pyros hit and he comes brooding out to the ring.
KANE VS. DAVE TAYLOR
Kane….uuuuhhhh….I guess def. Taylor
There really was no match here. It was just Kane coming out and venting frustration because he lost to the Punjabi pile at Wrestlemania. There was no start bell, there was no end bell, there really was no match. Regal and Taylor both got Glennified.
GOOD:
- Nothing good about this waist of time
BAD:
- Kane coming out is basically bad from now on.
- The non-match was pretty stupid
OVERALL RATING: BAD
After the match Booker is running after Sharmel backstage to apologize to his boo. Sharmel slaps the shit out of Booker for his trouble.
Oh yeah we get a promo for the return of the predator ape himself Mark Henry.
Spanky and London run out to the ring with useless plastic Ashley, who’s sole purpose is to be the mask remover for Spanky and London. Chavo Guerrero and Gregory Helms comes out to the ring, followed by Deuce and Domino. Looks like the double D dumbshits are out to spectate.
SPANKY AND LONDON VS. CHAVO AND HELMS
Spanky and London def. Helms and Chavo with a double team sliced bread to Helms
This match was pretty high intensity through most of the match. As far as tag team matches go this was a fairly decent one for TV. It did seem to follow the formula a bit too much but since the speed kept up it really didn’t hurt it all that much. The last spot of the match was pretty cool. Sliced Bread #2 of the top rope with London helping powerbomb style. Chavo and Helms kept up with the tag champs pretty well, which can be tough considering they’re like the fastest wrestlers in the company right now.
GOOD:
- The match was fast paced with a good amount of quick moves throughout
- There were some good spots through the match
- Chavo and Helms were able to put down with these two
BAD:
- Did not stray from the tag team formula too much
OVERALL RATING: Good
Back from break and a promo for all of the people that Undertaker has beat at Wrestlemania plays. I am so glad that Taker took the match with Batista. It rights so many wrongs. Then the druids come to the ramp. So this means instead of the 5 minute Undertaker entrance we get the ten minute entrance. Sheriff Taker comes out to the ring holding the belt which still looks cool. Taker grabs a mic and stands in the middle of the ring, and then Blahtista comes to the ring. Is it too much to ask that we get one Smackdown without the Big Bad Blah. The two guys stand in the ring and eye each other for a while until Batista so eloquently states “Congratulations I want my rematch.” It is a wonder that people think this guy is any good doing anything. I mean come the fuck on. then out of no where Booker attacks Taker. Undertaker however does not go down. Booker gets beat down by Taker then he gets tombstoned through the announce table. And Booker is down, while The Undertaker stands defiantly with his belt.
OVERALL SHOW FEELINGS
This show was defiantly better then the Smackdowns leading to Wrestlemania. Something about this show just felt like more was happening then past weeks. Some of the matches were good, some of the matches were bad, but the overall feeling of the show was better.
OVERALL SHOW RATING: GOOD