WINNER: MR. KENNEDY

EL GRINGO’S THOUGHTS:

I liked this match a lot. It was interesting that they put it on first, but that way if it were major super awesome it didn’t make the other matches look like butt. I was worried that 8 wrestlers in this match would make it too clusterfucky, but it seemed to work okay at keeping the action going; that is, until Jeff Hardy decided to kill Edge and himself with that nasty, NASTY legdrop ladder spot. One of the nastiest spots I’ve seen in years from the WWE from a “not safe no matter how you look at it” perspective. Then we were down to 6. Finlay, CM Punk, and Mr. Kennedy all greatly impressed me, the other guys played their roles, and I LOVED the fact that Kennedy won. I marked out like a little bitch when that happened. Now if only they keep the streak going with the wrestlers who win MITB cashing in AND winning..

THE BOSS’S THOUGHTS:

Wow I can’t believe Kennedy won this match. Not just that but the match was actually better then the past years. That’s right I said it, this years Money In The Bank was better then the other two. I was actually unsure who would win halfway through it, which made this match even better for me. The match wasn’t short on spots either; especially the ladder spot that looked like it could have sent Jeff Hardy and Edge to the Hospital. Again, I very much enjoyed this match, especially because Mr. Kennedy became Mr. Money In The Bank…Bank.

SYSTEM CRASH’S THOUGHTS:

Well I knew this match was going to be a spot fest, but still a good match regardless. Matt Hardy’s performance surprised me actually, I liked where he threatened to give Sharmell the twist of fate. King Booker should have grabbed the briefcase anyway. Props to Little Bastard for taking the Green Bay Plunge off the ladder. However it was nice seeing Kennedy win, just hope Edge is ok from that spot.

KANE VS. GREAT KHALI

WINNER: PUNJABI PILE

EL GRINGO’S THOUGHTS:

Fuck the Great Khali. Sorry - the Punjabi Pile. This guy did not belong on Wrestlemania, and no matter what they do with Kane I still don’t care. This match was weak (as expected), I saw nothing I didn’t expect to see, and Kane looked like an even bigger pud when he got pinned from that weak-ass chokebomb by ONE BIG SUCKY FOOT. Not only did Khali not belong on Mania, this match didn’t belong here either. Weakest part of the show. But at least it was fairly quick. I was still hoping for someone to get hooked in the face.

THE BOSS’S THOUGHTS:

Ok………I’m not exactly sure how to approach this match. Don’t get me wrong it was fucking atrocious. I just mean that, there was no way this match was going to be any good, and it turned out exactly like it should have…. total crap. That being said, because I was prepared for the worst and I got it, it doesn’t feel as bad as it could. I guess all I can say is that the WWE has finally given up on trying to make Kane cool, which was inevitable I guess

SYSTEM CRASH’S THOUGHTS:

This match shouldn’t have even been on the card, though I think Khali has been studying the best of Kevin Nash. Overall opinion of the match it sucked as it was supposed to

MVP VS. CHRIS BENOIT - UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP

WINNER (AND STILL CHAMPION): CHRIS BENOIT

EL GRINGO’S THOUGHTS:

I didn’t expect Benoit to win off the diving headbutt. I also did not expect MVP to be able to hold his own in a match with Benoit. He was great; I really was into this match and I really didn’t think I was going to be. I expected it to just be MVP getting owned then cheating & using the ropes to win the title on bullshit. That did not happen. What I got was a really good back & forth match that did not hurt MVP at all when he lost. I dig MVP and was glad to see him look like he belongs in higher profile matches. Ballin!! Overall: strong match, weird ending.

THE BOSS’S THOUGHTS:

Now I can finally give people a reason when they ask why I have liked MVP since he arrived. I think he proved to everyone that he could actually put on a good show in the ring. These guys worked really well together chain wrestling and reversing each other’s offense. I would go on to say that MVP showed more talent in the ring then 80 percent of the current WWE roster. I also thought it was funny that more people in the crowd yelled Ballin’ with MVP then when Cena did the “You Can’t See ME”. Bottom line MVP didn’t win but maybe this will show WWE what he is capable of so that maybe we will see more matches like this in the future.

SYSTEM CRASH’S THOUGHTS:

Well I don’t watch Smackdown at all. I’ve heard of MVP and seen his promos that WWE.com put up, but never seen him wrestle in a one on one match. However I was very impressed with MVP tonight holding his own against Benoit. I thought the ending seemed kinda rushed and they had a 10 minute match, I think these guys could have put on a solid 15-20 minute match. Instead they have cut their match to have time for Taker/Cena to celebrate, and the battle of the billionaires.

UNDERTAKER VS. BATISTA - WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP

WINNER (AND NEW CHAMPION): UNDERTAKER

EL GRINGO’S THOUGHTS:

Thank the FUCK Christ!!! There is still hope in this world. Personally, I actually cheered at my TV; something I hadn’t done for a WM since XX when Benoit won the title. The match itself was very decent - and as far as Batista goes, that means it was one of his better ones. As per usual, Taker had his Wrestlemania working boots on and they put on a good show with a great ending as Taker took a Batista Bomb and kicked out, leading to the Tombstone and the unbroken streak continuing. The crowd was shitting all over him in this match - there really was no way Dave should have left Detroit as champion. He didn’t. Actually, there was no way he’d have left Detroit PERIOD if he’d have ended it - the crowd would have killed him right there. Overall, the ending was AWESOME and that made the whole match good for me. Here’s to one last Undertaker run. Really odd place in the card for this match, though, as this would be the hottest the crowd was all night.

THE BOSS’S THOUGHTS:

I was really surprised this match went on so early in the show, especially considering that this title match had more actually riding on it with Taker’s streak vs. the Title. It was especially perplexing because of the quality of the match. Take note because you will not see this again Batista and Undertaker actually put on a good match. It was back and forth, it had good psychology, and it played to Batista’s strengths as an immovable lump. The end was built up well all the way to the end when Undertaker took the match. This was huge, and the crowd let everyone know how huge it actually was. I just wish this had been the main event.

SYSTEM CRASH’S THOUGHTS:

Taker winning was the best part of the match, but seeing Dave actually bust his ass in the match was nice to see. I think someone lit a fire under his ass, because he wasn’t this motivated two years ago when he beat Triple H for first world title run. For a match that I thought would suck ended up being pretty decent.

ECW ORIGINALS VS. NEW BREED

WINNERS: ECW ORIGINALS

EL GRINGO’S THOUGHTS:

This match felt very much like a throwaway; there was no big-time feel to it at all. It just didn’t seem to fit in the show, and definitely didn’t belong following up Taker’s title win. It was very quick, but the surprising thing is that the New Breed didn’t just lose (which I totally didn’t expect), they pretty much got owned. The crowd wasn’t into this match at all except when RVD got in the ring and got the win for the Os (as per the back of Dreamer’s shirt). The New Breed, overall, looked pretty weak and the Originals didn’t look much better, but at least they didn’t completely bury the last remnants of the old ECW. They must REALLY want RVD to stay with the company….

THE BOSS’S THOUGHTS:

This match kind of had a weird feeling for me. Yes, The Originals got to go over in the match, but it felt too short and it seemed like all the old schoolers were just in there to get their spots. I happen to be a big Monty Brown fan but he hardly had any part in this match. Overall it was good to see the ECW Originals take a win over the guys they have been jobbing to for months now, but all in all it felt a little rushed and not as important as it should have been.

SYSTEM CRASH’S THOUGHTS:

This match seemed liked it could have aired on TV and wouldn’t have made a lick of difference. I didn’t see the Pounce, so I was thoroughly disappointed. I’m just shocked the originals went over and the new breed looked real weak.

BATTLE OF THE BILLIONAIRES: LASHLEY VS. UMAGA

WINNER: LASHLEY (WHO THE F ELSE)

EL GRINGO’S THOUGHTS:

This was really the only match on the show that went nearly exactly as I’d figured it would; I didn’t expect anything great, and I didn’t get anything great. No one really cared about the wrestling itself (if so, they wouldn’t have needed Austin there to help put the thing over). They could have had a fucking pie-eating contest where the loser would go bald and things would have been pretty much the same. Of course, to the surprise of NO ONE (or at least there shouldn’t have been - Trump would NEVER let someone else cash in on his precious haircut getting butchered), Lashley won AGAIN, and therefore we saw Vince get his hair cut. The build to this was SO overwhelming that no matter what the whole thing wasn’t going to live up to the hype. It really didn’t; Vince is bald now and after some brief news hiccups about it, no one will care but him and his little world called the “E”. Oh, yeah - the match. Basic fare from both of them. I found it to be nothing special, but nothing rotten. Trump took the beer, which means he took a Stunner too. Kinda.

THE BOSS’S THOUGHTS:

Before this whole hype machine started for two old guys who might loose whatever locks they might actually call their own this was a match between Bobby Lashley and Umaga. The match was actually pretty decent for what it was. Umaga showed that he is really effective in his element. And that is all the attention I’m giving this match because that’s all the attention the WWE gave this match. After the match we were treated to a 30 minute old man shave fest, and may I say that Vince McMahon looks so much older now that he is sands hair. Shock of the night being that all that hair was actually McMahon’s to begin with. After its all said and done Stone Cold proves yet again why he was the #1 wrestler of his time by giving Trump the stunner, awesome.

SYSTEM CRASH’S THOUGHTS:

Was it me or was Umaga actually getting cheered over Lashley? This match was more for the entertainment value than anything, and I have to admit I was actually entertained by this match. Even Umaga swantoning himself was awesome. Austin should adopt a rule he shouldn’t hit a stunner on a person over 50.

MILENA VS. ASHLEY - WWE WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP “LUMBERBOOBS” MATCH

EL GRINGO’S THOUGHTS:

As usual, they put the lady bullshit on RIGHT before our main event. I’ll be honest - I expected two things in this match: Milena to win and someone to get injured. Neither of these happened. In fact, Milena owned Ashley in about 6 minutes. Wow. Maybe they decided that, oh, Ashley’s SHIT in the ring? Either way, they kept it short and the LumberTits around the ring did pretty much nothing other than stand there until the match was over and a giant pointless catfight broke out. Whatever. At least the Useless Plastic didn’t leave with the title. Maybe she’ll get the hell off Raw so I can stop writing about her scrawny bitch ass. Imagine the sheer amount of piss excreted during this five minute period…

THE BOSS’S THOUGHTS:

I really don’t have much to say about this match. It was mercifully short. The whole Lumber-jill concept was fucking worthless. I don’t see the point of Melina retaining. I just really don’t have anything else to say…….boobs.

SYSTEM CRASH’S THOUGHTS:

As soon as the match started I went to use the bathroom, I come back to Melina kicking out of a boot choke that was cool. Thankfully this match was short, but seriously this could have been on the pre-show to warm up the crowd.

JOHN CENA VS. SHAWN MICHAELS - WWE CHAMPIONSHIP

WINNER (AND OF COURSE STILL CHAMPION): JOHN CENA

EL GRINGO’S THOUGHTS:

At what point is Cena no longer “against the odds” and instead pretty much just always wins anyway? He had another stupid-ass entrance this year, this time involving him driving a new Ford Mustang to the ring (which, no lie, I was joking about earlier in the show that, since last year in Chicago they did a Mafia theme, this year they’ll do a “car” themed entrance since they’re in the D and maybe he’ll get the face pop). The crowd shit on him anyway. HBK came out to the DX music; further proof that this whole angle is just keeping the bed warm for HHH. Now - the match. Meh-tastic. It started super mega weak, with the crowd shitting on Cena’s every move and praising everything Michaels did, which was the most entertaining part about it for about the first 10 minutes. Eventually it would pick up and get good, as we saw a couple pretty good series from them. However, this match would turn into typical Cena fare as he makes the comeback and the technical master eventually taps HBK out with the Machine Gun Face. Pretty much the exact match he worked with HHH last year and further proves that if Cena actually has to put on a wrestling match instead of a brawl, he phones in the same one each time and not even HBK could save it, even when he tries his hardest. I didn’t think I’d have ever said this, but Taker/Dave should have been main event. This one was a letdown for me and with every big match Cena gets put in, I’m reminded why this guy doesn’t work anymore as the huge babyface champion. Now who the hell can take him out? A fucking sniper, that’s who.

THE BOSS’S THOUGHTS:

This match angered me in many ways. First, Cena came to the ring in a ford Mercury. Does it seem like they are trying way to hard to make this guy likable to the fans? He’s driving a ford car into ford arena we get it, news flash nobody cares still. Second, the match started off soooo slow. We have come to expect a certain amount of entertainment from Shawn Michaels in the ring and that was horribly absent for the first half of the match. The match eventually picked up in the last 6 minutes, but then it showed truly what it was, the same exact match from last years Mania but instead of HHH they substituted Michaels. When Cena made Shawn tap the whole room let out a collective fuck. This match should have been so much better then it was. The end was ridiculous, and it was a milk toast angle. There really was nothing redeeming to me about this match.

SYSTEM CRASH’S THOUGHTS:

This match disappointed me on a lot of fronts. Michaels couldn’t even make Cena look good, Cena gets the win. Who can beat John Cena besides Edge? Not even Trips could beat Cena. You want to see Cena stop getting this monster push? Get the dumb women and children to stop buying his t-shirts. Cena is getting more tiring than Hogan.

Back to the match though, this match was excruciating slow. I think Michaels hit more chops than Ric Flair would in a match. I thought Shawn would give me that WrestleMania performance he is known to give. This match shouldn’t have ended the show; they should have gone with the supposed original plan of Taker/Batista.

OVERALL SHOW:

EL GRINGO’S THOUGHTS:

This Wrestlemania, for me, was stronger than last year and very much a reminder that WWE can be extremely entertaining when they want to be. They put it down; the big moments were VERY big, and the weaker moments really weren’t enough to hurt the overall show. I was most disappointed in the main event, as I was hoping that maybe HBK could finally be the guy to give Cena that killer match. Instead, it pretty much gave me a personal ultimatum: Cena turns heel, or Cena loses that fucking championship. If he does neither, then I might snap and kill. But that aside, it wasn’t near as predictable as, well, I’d predicted it would be, nor did they totally shoot themselves in the face by having both Cena AND Batista retain their belts in front of this “defiant crowd”. I was very entertained; even with the shortcomings, it’s the strongest show of the year by far and I’m actually interested to see where things go from here. I really needed a good PPV to keep my interest in WWE‘s product alive, and I got one. That’s pretty much the bottom line of it all. Booyah.

THE BOSS’S THOUGHTS:

Overall this Wrestlemania was very good. I enjoyed most of the show barring a few events that did not settle right. The Undertaker vs. Batista match was the surprise of the night for me. And, other then the main event nothing really let down in any big way. Most of the wrestlers stepped up and put on a good show. I would say that this has been the best Mania in the last 3 years

SYSTEM CRASH’S THOUGHTS:

It was a decent WrestleMania, definitely better than 22. However they wasted too much time with celebrations, Battle of the Billionaires, and promo packages. They could have had two more matches on the card. The crowd didn’t seem to be into the show much at all. Maybe WrestleMania needs to be a three-hour PPV, because for some reason with all that talent they have, they had a hard time filling up four hours. Where was Benjamin, Nitro, Carlito? I’m sure the Smackdown tag belts and the cruiserweight title could have been defended on the show easily.