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Archive for March, 2007
Sunday, March 18th, 2007
Hola, amigos - welcome to El Gringo’s column with No Name Needed (which will be referred to as the “Triple N” from now forward, ok?). Why does it not need a name? Because it doesn’t need a lot of things, like a concise direction, a strong focus, or an overall point of any kind. Basically - I do a lot of writing for this site. Occasionally, I get some runoff ideas spinning around in my useless head and have nowhere to integrate them. This will be that “nowhere” - every edition of the Triple N will contain random ramblings and thoughts mostly pertaining (but I can’t promise always) to this wacky bitch we call pro wrestling.
On the nugget this week:
WSX - WE BARELY KNEW YA!
If you’re an internet wrestling news junkie, like most of you probably are, you’ve probably heard of the little “promotion” MTV was starting up called “Wrestling Society X”, the idea behind which was that this was an underground federation where shit went down that was too extreme for the big-time promotions.
Apparently, it was too extreme for itself, as MTV announced February 28th that they were canceling the show effective immediately due to lack of ratings and a controversial spot involving a flash paper fireball.
I believe it’s because MTV isn’t allowed to show programming that doesn’t involve whiny teenagers with “real world problems”, nor are they allowed to show programming involving music, which WSX featured to open their shows.
Now that it’s been cancelled, I can officially say fuck ALL of MTV instead of having to admit to myself that I watch one show on the network, because I did watch WSX. And it was pretty cool. It had its flaws, mind you - it was an entirely taped show complete with too many post production add-ons (like screen effects and dubbed-in punching noises), really cheesy-ass pyrotechnic “explosion” spots, and a ring announcer to whom I wanted to carve my fucking last name in his face with a Phillips screwdriver (and my last name is long, bitch).
There were some great things about it, however, most notably being the talent they brought on. Now, just for the record, I’m not talking about 6Pac, who was the closest thing to a huge star WSX had - well, him and Vampiro, who fought in the first (and I guess only) WSX Title match - I really wouldn’t have been too upset if I never saw Sean Waltman again. I’m talking about the huge amount of Indy talent that got to wrestle in front of a national audience likely for the first time in most of their careers.
WSX, during its short life, was a veritable “who’s-who” of Indy feds around the US and I personally was sad to read the news of it’s death. As a way to soothe the pain of a promising wrestling show getting the axe, I’m going to highlight a few of the great performers we got to see in WSX; most of whom wrestle full-time for other promotions and can be seen on YouTube (highly recommended) or by purchasing DVDs from a website like http://www.highspots.com/. Now, whether you watched WSX or not, every one of the guys I’m about to mention deserves a bit of your attention if you are in to Indy wrestling at all.
JACK EVANS
“The Prince of Parkland, WA” embodies the newer wrestling style of “flash & speed before size”. This guy is INSANE, and chances are you’re probably bigger than he is, but he never stops flipping around for you to notice. One of the greatest flyers in the US, Evans currently wrestles in Ring of Honor wrestling and is probably best known for his ability to nail the insane 630 splash. He can also do a standing corkscrew 360 shooting star press. I bet you don’t even know what the hell that looks like.
Jack Evans on MySpace (has videos)
Jack Evans on DVD
THE HUMAN TORNADO
This guy is hilarious with his “balls of steel” gimmick, and is awesome in the ring as well. It’s mostly worth noting the Tornado because of the fact that he’s a former Pro Wrestling Guerilla champion, an indy fed based out of California. PWG is the home to some awesome wrestlers such as Super Dragon (look this dude up on YouTube), Kevin Steen, Davey Richards, Chris Hero, and some familiar TNA faces such as Chris Sabin & Alex Shelley. Check these guys out.
PWG Official Website
PWG on DVD
COLT CABANA - AKA “MATT CLASSIC”
Colt wrestled in WSX as “Matt Classic”, a throwback character reminiscent of the way old-school days of wrestling. He’s known throughout most of the world as Colt Cabana, one of the most entertaining personalities in all of wrestling, not just the indys. This guy is immensely entertaining and has been in many promotions in the US, including a stint in the WWE as a developmental talent, where of course they pissed it away. He currently makes his home in Ring Of Honor. Trust me on this guy.
Colt Cabana’s official website
Buy the best of Colt Cabana
TEDDY HART
Yes, there IS a relation. Teddy Hart is a grandson of the great Stu Hart and is one of the most athletically gifted wrestlers on the indy circuit. Unfortunately, he’s also one of the biggest backstage “problem-causers” on said indy circuit. This attitude got him released from WWE, the company that keeps Randy Orton not only on the payroll, but on TV every week - he must be a real great guy. But none of that takes away from the awesome-ness this dude brings to the ring, which he currently does in many rings around the world (and, if the rumors are true, maybe in a WWE ring if they give him a second chance).
Teddy Hart on DVD
Check him out on YouTube!
RUCKUS
This crazy fucker wasn’t around WSX much; he comes from Combat Zone Wrestling, which is pretty much a new version of ECW crossed with the new indy-style wrestling, then with the violence volume cranked up WAY loud. They call themselves the “Ultraviolent”, and Ruckus is just one guy of many that completely embody that trademark. Many indy stars have stepped through CZW, which was also showcased prominently in a cross-promotion feud with Ring of Honor. If you like your wrestling ultra-bloody and totally fucked up, you MUST check out Ruckus and his pals in CZW (including the Necro Butcher - if you’ve never heard of this guy, check him out)
Combat Zone Wrestling official website
CZW DVDs
There are other guys definitely worth mentioning as great wrestlers: Matt Cross, Matt Sydal & Joey Ryan, just to name a few. If any of the above mentioned interests you at all, chances are you’ll happen across these and more guys you may recognize from WSX.
As a show/promotion, WSX may have come and gone, but the wrestlers and that wrestling style that made it as cool as it was are still very much alive and wrestling around the world. Do yourself a favor and look into some of these indy guys (if you haven’t already)…if you like your wrestling fast-paced, spot-heavy, and high impact (a la TNA’s X-Division, which is basically an indy-style promotion within TNA), you won’t be disappointed with what you dig up! Trust me - I don’t lie to my CircleJerk amigos!!
As always, feedback is greatly appreciated - I’ll almost always respond to any e-mail!
Adios!
Posted in No Name Needed by ElGringo
Sunday, March 18th, 2007
TCSwrestling.com prides itself on being a place for most of your wrestling needs; from what we understand, news is one of them. Now, were not talking news stories with headlines such as “Is Samoa Joe going to WWE??!!? Click here for details” (then after you click and get flamed with pop-ups, you read “Rumor has it that Samoa Joe has not entertained the thought of leaving TNA, as he is currently happy with his situation” Damn it. Tricked again.). We understand that like any form of entertainment, there’s news that matters and news that, well, doesn’t really amount to anything. We are your filter - offering you the top seven stories of the last seven days. That’s sounds like a good number, eh? Hell, we’ll even list them in the order of importance. You’re welcome.
NEWS FOR THE WEEK ENDING WITH MARCH 17, 2007:
1. “Big Cat” Ernie Ladd passes away after losing the long-fought battle with cancer. He was 68 years of age. No jokes to be make here, pals.
2. Rene Dupree was suspended (and may be fired) due to something relating to the wellness policy. And just like that, the ONE tag team on ECW is split up. So much for that whole “re-debut ECW tag titles” thing. Way to fuck it all up, Dupree. Just because you had to get bigger quicker and faster. Fuckin’ French…
3. The Rock made a brief return to a wrestling show on Raw. Apparently, the Raw head writer Brian Gerwitz and he keep contact and Rock agreed to do a cameo. Well, I guess if there’s one thing this guys good for..
4. Great Muta had a real reason he showed up at TNA’s Destination X (it was NOT to simply waste a limo and spit on a locker) Rather, it was the start of a working relationship between All Japan Pro Wrestling (which Muta is the president of) and TNA. Hopefully there’s room for them in the bullshit-filled one hour of TV time that Russo excretes every week.
5. Edge is actually injured - a dislocated jaw from his MITB qualifying match against RVD. This sorta explains these bullshit segments teasing Edge matches on Raw that involve him just blowing the heel horn and working his way out of wrestling. What the hell is wrong with just coming right out and saying he’s hurt, so he’s going to milk it like the bitch he is so he’s top shape for Money In The Bank? Pecker heads.
6. Chris Jericho is rumored to be contemplating a return to the ring. He would naturally work a part-time schedule, and would go to TNA if the money was right, but will likely end up back in WWE. Fuck, I say.
7. Batista is apparently a backstage piece of shit that’s being compared to the Ultimate Warrior as far as how he treats the business. Here’s another news flash: he’s also an in-ring piece of shit and a piece of shit on the microphone. He sure is a snazzy fuckin’ dresser, though, boy. Slow news week, by the way.
Yup. The week. News. Ya read it.
Posted in Week In Review by TCSStaff
Saturday, March 17th, 2007
Well it looks like y’all are in danger of being fired because here is the PINK SLIP. On this edition of the Pink Slip I only have one topic, and its been a long time coming.
Glenn
Anybody who reads this site can probably tell that I have some irrational hatred of Kane. It doesn’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense to most people. It’s just one of those things that can’t be helped. But I figure since everybody is going to have to deal with my Kane bashing, you probably would like to know where I am coming from.
This whole thing revolves around that one thing that most notably has changed Kane, the loss of his mask. I really had no hard feelings towards the guy when he wore the mask. I might even say I enjoyed watching him some of the time. But then somebody in the company decided it was time for a change. I am not saying who, mainly cause I don’t know who.
At this point in Kane’s wrestling career he was tag teaming with RVD. He had been known as a more light hearted Kane at this point, but things would change. I don’t exactly remember the match leading up to Kane taking off the mask, mainly because it wasn’t the match that was the focus. I do know that he lost the match and Kane’s shitastic voyage would begin.
Now here is where I begin to see the slide of Kane. First let me point out that these feelings toward Kane are merely directed to his on screen character. I have no hard feelings toward Glenn the person.
After the “huge shock” of seeing Kane take off his mask, people were very excited about seeing what would happen next. Especially because all that black eye make-up that he was wearing when he actually took off the mask made it so you really couldn’t see his face. Well then storyline kicked in and all that talk before about how Kane was scarred in the fire would have to be dealt with. So how does WWE creative do it. “They were emotional scars”. This is where I start to get miffed. If all of us knew that they were emotional scars back when Kane first showed up he would have got about as much attention as Simon Dean. I understand that they had to explain it someway but don’t you think that, back when Kane first debuted, they might have thought that one day they would have to pull his mask off, mainly because usually almost every masked wrestler will lose his mask eventually. You think they could have planted the seeds for this story early just so when it does finally happen we are not all left wondering why we cared about this guy in the first place.
After the unmasking WWE tried to push Kane as the crazy monster who would destroy anybody who looked, talked, or farted in his general direction. The problem I have with this push was that now that we took the mask off and proved to everyone that he is indeed human were gonna push him like he’s a monster again. WHAT?!? This is especially hard to believe because given the way that Kane’s body shape was, and that oddly shaved head of his, he was starting to resemble some sort of shaved ape baby, that had gotten a hold of some human growth hormone. So this is when I start to turn on Kane, but I am not fully in the fuck Kane category yet.
Much further down the line we get to probably the most damaging part of Kane’s career (for me), Edge and Lita. This whole storyline was fucked up in the first place. Kane kidnapping Lita, from Matt Hardy mind you, then forcing himself on her and then impregnating her. If all this wasn’t bad enough, then Lita seems to start liking Kane after this, or maybe she was just starting to realize that his seed was inside of her, how much worse can it get. Then enter Snitsky, this is where things get really confusing. Snitsky comes out to fuck with Kane but inadvertently hits Lita with a chair causing her to have a miscarriage. But she still loves Kane, oh wait not really she’s just playing him because she’s in to Edge. Edge then proceeds to publicly humiliate Kane every chance he gets by making out with Lita in the most disturbing way possible. Now I know what this angle was supposed to illustrate, Edge and Matt Hardy, I get that. That’s a whole ‘nother rant.
This monumentally ridiculous feud culminates in an Edge and Lita wedding. Kane decides to interrupt this wholly evil event by sticking his head through the ring. Yes, not running down, not setting the entire ring ablaze. No, by sticking his head out of the middle of the fucking ring. This left Edge with only one clear alternative, kicking Kane’s head as much as he could. You know this whole thing could be over if Edge just had curb stomped his ass. Well as soon as Kane gets out of this hole in the middle of the ring, Edge takes it to the next level by bolting with Lita, making Kane’s interference one of the most absurd events in this whole feud, nay of the whole year. The rest of the feud was spent putting Edge over Kane. That’s what happens to monsters when you steal their girlfriend, they job to you. This was one of the major factors in me not liking Kane ever again. I mean how can you believe that a guy is a psycho when all he could do to the guy that supposedly stole his woman was get the crap beat out of him by said person. But that’s not what turned it to hate. which brings me May 19th.
This event was brought about by Kane’s entrance to the world of motion pictures in See No Evil. I will eventually have to review this movie for the site but I’m kind of putting it off. I’m a horror movie buff and this movie looks like it’s going to suck something terrible. Well being that the WWE creative team decided that, since their monster was playing a monster in a movie, they would integrate it into storyline. What followed was the altogether pimpage and destruction of Kane. Every week we were tortured with behind the scenes of See No Evil where Kane would consistently tell us that he enjoyed the murder scenes where he was able to act out his dark fantasies. So at this point WWE starts pushing Kane as if he is a homicidal maniac, oh wait that was the movie, oh wait that was on raw. from this point on we are bombarded with See No Evil and May 19th. Kane starts telling everyone that something bad is going to happen on May 19th, which coincided with the release of his movie. I guess that was the bad thing at least for the audience. When May 19th came Kane shows up on Smackdown and beats up everyone in the main event. This is what WWE built up to, Kane running in to Smackdown for no reason. Kane spent all of this time telling us that he was enjoying acting like he murdered people and when this day of infamy arrived he showed up and beat some people down. This was the biggest waist of time, especially considering that all this was leading up to a movie that did not do very well in theaters. It eventually made some money but not because of this abortion of an angle. This finally put me in the fuck Kane department.
Which brings me to now. Kane is on Smackdown as one of the guys Teddy Long uses to put heels in their place. His physique is not what it used to be, to put nicely his stomach is starting to resemble the iron sheik’s. However, WWE creative still seems to push him as that unstoppable monster. I think its time for a change.
Well for these and other reasons Kane is on my shit list. Maybe one day he will pull himself off said list, But if WWE creative has any say he will always be the very stoppable monster
Posted in The Pink Slip by TheBoss
Saturday, March 17th, 2007
Hola fuckies, I know the Gringo does the spanglish thing but I figure I would give it a try. I’m not sure if it really works for me, oh well. My cable is up and running, well not so much running as displaying colorfully. It’s time for the down of smack, and I’m sure we will be hearing about the battle of the of billionaire buttfuckers sometime today.
And this week we start Smackdown with………you’re kidding me Blahtista again. This is getting ridiculous. Blahtista has started off every Smackdown since I have started reviewing it. He is dressed this week in a very New York stock exchange kind of way, JBL should be able to connect with himon that alone. Things then go from worse to much fucking worser as we are shown the Miz is in the ring in a highlight reel type of setup. This should be interesting, who can cut the shittier promo. So let me get this straight instead of Jericho’s highlight reel we get Miz TV, which must stand for Miz totally vapid. Miz tries desperatly to prove to everybody that he really is a worthless waist of skin by merely opening his mouth. I would like one of those missiles from that Future Weapons show to stray from its course and turn the ring in to very boring rubble. Miz then tries to show that he has a sense of humor by turning the lights out and trying to get Blahtista to think Undertakers coming out. Oh yay hahaha, that’s a good one, I think my eyes are starting to bleed. Blahtista then shocks everybody by Batista bombing The Miz.. Ya know for a moment Batista wasn’t that boring, he did something I have wanted to do since the diva search. However I come back to my senses when I realize that whole promo said absolutely shit.
Side thought: I’m just a little creeped out by these Wrestlemania promos that show the wrestlers as kids. Especially the one with Torrie. No young girl should ever dress like Paris Hilton, that’s just not right. and if they really wanted to make her look like Torrie they should have gotten a little Puerto Rican kid to follow her around so she can kill his push.
Back from break Mr. Kennedy comes to the ring and gives us all one his great entrances\promos. KENNNNEEDDYY…….sorry I get carried away. Matt Hardy then walks to the ring. Well I guess Kennedy is going to win this match. Matt Hardy will not die but that doesn’t mean he’ll win either
MR. KENNEDY VS MATT HARDY
Well it looks like I was wrong. Matt Hardy wins the match with a twist of fate. Mr. Kennedy is starting to look like the AntiCena, he kicks the guys ass for the entire match and then falls after two or three moves. The match was decent. It was pretty long for a Matt Hardy TV match. It felt a bit lopsided being that Kennedy pretty much owned Hardy for most the match and then lost. There wasn’t many spots to note. However, there was a spear by Hardy out of the ring to Kennedy that seemed pretty stiff.
THE GOOD
-The match was a good length for a TV match, and it never felt too long
-There was some pretty good psychology in the ring from Kennedy that made the match interesting to watch
-It was technically sound with no blown spots which is a lot to be said for WWE
-Hardy actually was in a match with a wrestler that wasn’t Mercury or Helms
THE BAD
-The match seemed pretty one-sided for most of the match being that Kennedy owned Hardy for most of the time and then lost in 2 to 3 moves.
OVERALL RATING: GOOD
After the break Kennedy is backstage talking about how losing doesn’t effect him at all and that he will win money in the bank. Then he says bank again, How much funnier would things be if you repeated the last word of every sentence…………………..sentence.
MVP makes his way to the ring. His entrance still makes me laugh its like an entire football team is coming to ring, felonies and all. He then introduces his opponent El Grande Latte, which resembles an albino El Santo, kinda like Gringo.
MVP VS EL GRANDE LATTE
Mvp wins the match with the Overdrive, or at least that’s what the SvR 2007 game calls it. This match was pretty much pointless. I’d say it was MVP showing everyone his arsenal, but there was like only six moves in the match. If that’s your entire arsenal you might as well continue to wrestle albino jobbers.
THE GOOD
- Um…..I finally got to see the overdrive on TV to see if the move actually looks any good
THE BAD
-pointless
-pointless
-pointless
OVERALL RATING: BAD
After the match MVP reminds everyone that it has been seven days since he asked for a shot at the US title, and he hasn’t heard back from Teddy Long. Dude I wouldn’t be asking Teddy Long for anything. The quickest way for a heel to get beaten is to ask Teddy Long for any kind of match. Speaking of Teddy Long he comes out and continues to hate on the heels. He announces a match for Wrestlemania, MVP vs. Chris Benoit, who waists no time by running to the ring and attacking MVP. A brawl ensues until Benoit tries to get the crossface on and MVP bolts out of the ring like Barry Bonds out of a drug testing lab.
After the match Kendrick and London get to come out, but only after Ashley so that she can remind everyone that she’s naked in a magazine somewhere. Then the Brand split is yet again proved to be going Ludicrous speed as MNM comes to the ring. You know after a certain amount of this, one would have to look at the whole brand split thing and wonder” Does Vince McMahon watch his own shows,” cause how the hell could he shit on continuity so much and then ask everyone to still believe that a brand split actually still exists.
KENDRICK AND LONDON fet. ASHLEY VS. MNM(mixed tag match)
MNM wins the match by giving the snapshot to London. There is one word that describes this match, FORMULA. this match followed the WWE tag team match formula to a tee. Kendrick and London had some good spots but the formula took me out of this match quite a bit. You know the formula, match starts out normal the heel tag team isolates one of the wrestlers from the other team. That happens for a while until the hot tag and that wrestler comes in and cleans up until the heel team pulls a move out and steals the match.
THE GOOD
- Kendrick and London can put on a good match, and this match had some pretty interesting spots.
-Everyone in this match(except the women who I have chosen to disregard because they really didn’t affect anything) is pretty athletic so there were not many slow parts to the match
THE BAD
-The formula is killing me. It totally took me out of the match.
-Ashley and Melina were just thrown into the mix to build steam for Wrestlemania but it ended up hurting the match overall.
OVERALL RATING: BAD
After the break King Booker is backstage complaining about wrestling the Undertaker tonight when Finlay comes in looking for Hornswaggle. Booker asks Finlay for some advice when facing Undertaker, who tells Booker to RUN. Finlay leaves and Booker follows. Then Hornswaggle comes and tells Sharmel to kiss him because he’s Irish. He then proves that he is actually Irish by drinking Lager from an actual pint, you can’t get more Irish then that, p.s. pints are big when you’re a little guy.
WWE then spends the entire break pumping the Battle of the Billionaires match. I can not believe that this match is the most hyped for Wrestlemania. Under it all this is just a match between Lashley and Umaga.
I fucking hate Vince McMahon. He feels that he is the biggest thing about his show. I don’t care about this match. I don’t care so much that I feel like I need to say that again. I DON’T FUCKING CARE ABOUT THIS MATCH.
Back to the actual show and someone I don’t care about almost as much as Vince McMahon comes out, Kane. This has to be leading to what is probably going to be the worst match at this years Wrestlemania, Kane vs. The Great Khali. Kane seems to be coming out to fight Daivari. I didn’t think I would ever say this but GO Daivari.
KANE VS DAVAIRI
Its hard for me to even comment on this match. Mainly because it wasn’t really a match. It was Kane beating up on Daivari the whole time, until he grabs a hook with a chain on it and drags Daivari backstage. Kane must be trying to make a sequel to his movie, it’s going to be called I See No Evil In What You Did Last Summer. Kane then drags Daivari into a room filled with red light. I don’t know what he plans on doing to him in their but the last person he took in that room was Lita and he impregnated her. So this whole thing could get really interesting. Daivari could become mother to Kane’s middle eastern quasi devil baby, I have to stop and wonder what that would look like.
THE GOOD
-Nothing
THE BAD
-Kane
OVERALL RATING: SUCK
And right before the break Blahtista starts to come out to the ring. We get Blahtista twice in one night. Was I bad, did I do something to deserve this. Maybe it was when I made the comment about Kane and Daivari’s baby…….ok maybe I do deserve this.
It turns out that Batista is just doing guest commentary for the match between King Booker and The Undertaker. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Blahtista doesn’t stay at the commentator table the whole match
KING BOOKER VS THE UNDERTAKER
The is ruled a disqualification when Finlay runs in and hits The Undertaker with his rock on a stick. The match was pretty solid for a heavyweight match on Smackdown. Booker and Taker are showing their age but are able to get around it with descent ring presence. Blahtista on commentary is mind-numbing though. I haven’t heard someone this uninteresting since…….well The Miz and Batista from earlier.
THE GOOD
-The match flowed well considering that these guys aren’t the fastest wrestlers anymore.
- The match strayed from Taker’s formula by a bit, not much but still enough for me to notice.
- The match seemed to also have good psychology to it which made it more interesting
THE BAD
-I would have liked to see a clean finish for either wrestler but since it’s leading up to mania WWE doesn’t really allow clean finishes in main events, come to think of it they really don’t allow clean finishes in main events anytime
-Batista on commentary was ridiculously horrible and boring, I think the crowd is going to swing towards Taker at mania just because the guy can talk without putting people to sleep
OVERALL RATING: GOOD
After the match Booker and Finlay continue to beat down Taker until Taker turns it around and throws Booker into the ring. As he goes to throw Finlay into the ring he turns and tosses Finlay into Batista sitting at the commentator table. Man I’m beginning to really like The Undertaker. Taker then gets in the ring and chokeslams Booker before leaving the ring and heading backstage.
Overall this show felt very blah. It seems WWE is just coasting to Wrestlemania this year. I would have liked to see a little more happen in a show building up to the biggest pay-per-view of the year.
OVERALL SHOW RATING: Meh.
Well that’s all for this weeks down of smack. Join me next week to see if that whole middle east quasi devil baby thing comes true. Later Fuckies
Posted in WWE SmackDown by TheBoss
Friday, March 16th, 2007
TNA Impact Review for 03/15/07
Written by System Crash
This week before I dig into my review, I just want to mention that El Gringo got sold by Don West this week for the Destination X autograph package, click here to be sold by Don West.
We open with the still re-crap of Destination X.
Jim Cornette is in the ring to announce the main event of Lockdown, A 10 man Lethal Lockdown (WarGames). Christian comes to the top of the ramp as the captain of Team 1. Kurt Angle is the going to be captain of Team 2. Cornette told them to choose quickly and wisely. Christian doesn’t like the sound of it, and Cornette told him to shut up. Christian tries to talk over the music and the music is too loud for him.
We open to West and Tenay shilling for lockdown and the opening pyro. Tonight we get to see Alex Shelley wrestle.
AJ comes out to the remixed version of his music in a neck brace, ankle brace, and a crutch. We saw a recap of Elevation X. AJ is the ring asking the crowd if that’s what they wanted. The crowd doesn’t give a shit about this. The crowd chants for Rhino. AJ wants Rhino to call his wife for him and Rhino runs to the ring. The crowd is hot for Rhino. Rhino asks AJ if you want him to call his wife. Rhino asks what you makes you think he hasn’t already called her. Rhino is shouting what is this about? I’m asking myself the same question. AJ wants this to be over. Rhino says it’s over. They shake hands. AJ tried to hit Rhino with the crutch, rhino catches the crutch and AJ hits in the balls and the crutch. The crowd chants AJ Styles as we go to commercial.
First promo for Lockdown 2007 already for the night.
Wow we are still in the ring and Rhino sends AJ face first into the six sides of steel. Christian runs down to help AJ styles out. The crowd is chanting for Angle to come out. AJ bolted as soon he saw Angle and Joe up the ramp, leaving Christian to the wolves. I’ve never seen anyone climb the cage so fast and bolted thru the crowd. Christian just shattered 20 years of kayfabe as he crawled up the cage in 2 seconds.
We are almost 20 minutes into the program and we have yet to see one wrestling match.
We go to the back with Jeremy Borash with LAX and Alex Shelley dressed up LAX style. Konnan cuts another killer promo and we go to commercial.
Kevin Nash is in the ring with Sonjay Dutt. Borash is in the back with Borash and Backlund. Sabin is playing God Of War and tells Borash he is the god of wrestling. Backlund was just weird as usual and told Borash he makes him angry. Sabin says Borash makes him a little angry too.
Match 1 – Jay Lethal vs Kaz vs Jerry Lynn in a triple threat X-Division match.
Lethal comes out with new music a rip off the Macho Man music and walks and moves around like Savage. Kaz comes out to the ring to the J-O-B. Jerry Lynn is out next in this triple threat X-Division match.
Lot of fast paced action early and the crowd chants Let’s Go Lethal. Jerry Lynn hit a nice inverted DDT and Lethal broke up that pin. Awesome move by Kaz and the crowd chants that was awesome. Too many damn roll ups in this match. Lethal hits the Lethal Combo on Kaz.
The winner: Jay Lethal
Daniels comes down the ring with a bat and takes out every one. The crowd goes wild for The Fallen Angel.
JB is in the back with Christian Cage. AJ is the first guy on Christian’s team for Lockdown 2007. Christian is not very trusting these days. Christian just seems to be promising title shots to every one. Team Cage will announce team member 3 tonight.
Match 2 – LAX with Alex Shelley vs Team 3D
LAX comes out of the own entrance ramp. Shelley is all thugged out tonight. Team 3D comes out accompanied by Johnny Rodz. For once this a normal six man tag team match instead of some stipulated crap by Vince Russo booking. The crowd chants 3D Sucks. The crowd chants for Alex Shelley. I love the TNA crowd most of the time. LAX dominated most of the match. Brother Ray gets the hot tag to brother runt. Brother runt clears the ring for a bit till Shelley fucks him up and we go to commercial.
Brother runt got owned during the commercial. Hernandez with an awesome splash off the top rope onto Brother Runt. Runt gets the tag into D-Von and D-Von cleans house. Hernandez throws Brother Runt onto Johnny ROdz. Shelley gets the Wazzup. Brother Ray asks D-Von to get the smoothie, I mean the table, Johnny Rodz helps D-Von get the table and Machete distract the ref. Shelley gets the 3d thru the table but the ref is distracted. Hernandez wins with a god damn roll up on D-Von. That move should be banned from wrestling. However I’m glad Team 3D didn’t win.
Winner: LAX
Konnan reminds Team 3D they’ve beat them in every match they’ve thrown at them, and they are going to take their legacy next.
We go to the backstage with Leticia, Serotonin, and Raven. Raven says they are embarking on a new journey. Raven wants the wrestlers to feel the wrath of Serotonin. Raven slaps Martyr for not beating Kaz with the stick. Havoc gets caned for not hitting Kaz either. Weird Raven promo as usual and a complete waste of time.
We’re backstage with Borash going into the men’s bathroom what the hell, and Eric Young is cleaning toilets. Eric Young wants out of the contract, and I want out of this angle. Robert Roode comes in the bathroom and tells Borash to beat it. TNA needs two hours to further some storylines.
We’re back to the ring with Christian Cage and AJ Styles. Christian is here to introduce the third member of Team Cage and he introduces Abyss as the third member. Christian invites him into the ring. The lights go out and Sting comes out with a mic in the hand. Sting tells Christian, Abyss is his own team. Sting spews out some religious crap. Christian tells Sting he is full of crap. Cornette comes down to the ring to announce Sting/Abyss vs Styles/Cage next week and Sting said it’s going to happen right now or not! We end Impact.
Damn this was a crappy Impact, please get rid of Russo its time for him to go. I think ECW had more matches on Tuesday
Posted in TNA IMPACT by SystemCrash
Tuesday, March 13th, 2007
System Crash comes back at you this week worse than an annoying associate at Best Buy. System Crash is typing up the ECW TV review this week with input from 23Log. We open up with the mentioning of the “Big Cat” Ernie Ladd passing away.
Edge is backstage and Randy Orton is pissed about Edge feeding him to Lashley. Edge says you can trust him. Ask Matt Hardy about trusting Edge! Lots of planted Bobby Lashley signs in the crowd.
Extreme Battle Royal Match 1 - Burke, Monty Brown (Fuck this Marcus Cor Von shit), Striker, and Thorn vs. RVD, Sabu, Dreamer, and Sandman. The new breed comes out to go against the ECW originals in an extreme battle royal. Small RVD chant breaks out. Sandman is the first one out with an awesome bump. It’s funny seeing Monty Brown go against the man who trained him Sabu. Standard battle royal punches, kicks, and corner stall moves. Bullshit how Monty went out, he fucked up! Nice elimination on Sabu by Kevin Thorn but vampires never make good wrestlers. RVD is almost eliminated, but RVD stays alive. RVD with a nice top rope powerbomb. Never let RVD catch your feet Thorn should have known better. Kevin Thorn couldnt sell RVD eliminating him twice, so RVD goes for a cross body and eliminates himself and Thorn. Geez Thorn must have watched the Scott Steiner video on how to no sell this week. Now its Burke/Striker vs Dreamer in the ring, and Dreamer eliminates Striker with a nice body drop. Burke with a nice knee to the back of dreamer in the corner. Burke sets up dreamer on the corner and hits a nice drop kick off the top rope and nearly eliminated him but Dreamer holds on, and gets back in the ring. Dreamer kicks Burkes in the balls as he was hung up on the ropes, and flips him out for the win.
The Winner: Tommy Dreamer Wow Tommy Dreamer gets a win so we know that the New Breed is going over at WM23. The ECW originals stand tall and Mick Foley heads out with his book, which you can buy here and we go to commercial.
 - Very Generic Battle Royal with a couple cool spots. Mick Foley is the ring with the ECW originals. Mick Foley is here to get the cheap pop and plug atleast he admits it. Mick Foley admits to selling out. Mick wants Tommy to look at his book, Dreamer dropped the book. Foley talks about One Night Stand and trying to put the spotlight on the ECW originals, and plugs WrestleMania. Mick Foley will be at WrestleMania and fit his fat ass in a seat and will chant ECW and the crowd tries to go along with it, but I swear some people said SUCKS after Foley chants ECW.
0 Skulls - Pointless segment Snitsky promo YAY WHAT JOY and he is coming up next on Entertainment Championshit Wrestling. Maybe Snitsky should use that proactiv stuff that Jessica Simpson keeps pimping in an infomercial for his acne.Extreme Lameness with the extreme expose, hell this makes me wanna see Snitsky run down and beat these bitches up and get them off my TV. Snitsky comes out with some creepy music and those bitches run YAY.Match 2 if this counts as match - Snitsky destroys jobbers.Now Snitsky goes against Jobber 1 and Jobber 2 from some local indy fed Im sure. Snitsky with the big boot and the 1,2,3. After the win drops a boot to the head of the jobber left on the outside.
Winner: Snitsky if this even counts as a match.
1 Skull - It was short thankfully and stopped the bitches from dancing. But if I see one more close up of Snitsky he is going to get a negative rating.
We’re back with CM Punk and Burke comes in. WrestleMania belongs to the new breed according to Burke. Great we got a new Breed shirt and just like CM Punk I’m not impressed.
GOD DAMN PROMO FOR BATTLE OF THE SHILLIONAIRES.Joey Styles and Tazz have to shill the battle of the shillionaires, and now we are treated to a god damn replay of what happened last night on raw between McMahon and Trump. WHO GIVES A FUCK????
NEGATIVE FOUR SKULLS! -
Match 3 - The Main Event The Army of One vs The AWOL Marine
And here comes the Entertainment Championshit Wrestling champion Bobby Lashley. Nothing says extreme like a Bobby Lashley. He doesn’t even get the pyro pop on his own show. The crowd is dead as they should be for this overpushed tool. Randy Orton says fuck his pyro and just walks down to the ring and catches the fat bitch in the corner pose. They were about to start the match and Edge comes out in street clothes. Finally the bell rings, and its 1041 so we’re due for a commercial soon Im sure so I wonder if there will be a chin lock when we come back from commercial. Anyway back to the match Orton is dominating Lashley, and just when Lashley was about to come back, Orton slides out of the ring and we go to commercial.
And we’re back and Orton has Lashley in a
boston crab which is his new chin lock for this week. Orton is being a dick and wont release the move after Lashley grabs the ropes. Lashley tried to come back and Orton resorted to his heelish ways with the eye rake. Orton tries to go for the RKO, and Lashley shoved him off, and Edge runs with the ECW title belt, and the ref ejects his ass from ring side. If this was the real ECW he would have cracked Lashley and would have remained at ring side. Edge got himself smirked as he got himself ejected on purpose and we go to commercial. Maybe Orton will have Lashley in a chin lock when we come back from this commercial break.
Lashley and Orton are both laid out when we came back from commercial. They actually had decent action during the commercial break. Orton is being a complete dick by stomping on Lashley’s head that is resting on the steel steps. The crowd is still dead for this match and instead is mugging the camera instead of paying attention to the match. Orton has locked in the Walls of Chinlock. Where is the real ECW crowd to chant SAME OLD SHIT? Orton has been throughly owning Lashley this entire match for no reason other to make Lashley look weak like Batista and the crowd chants BORING! Orton crashes shoulder first into the ring pole. Lashley with a spear in the corner. Lashley hits a shock treatment on Orton. The crowd is chanting either bullshit or boring again. Lashley with the running power slam that he calls the dominator on Orton for the 1-2-3. Cue McMahon comes out WTF didn’t get more than enough time on RAW this week. McMahon stares down Lashley from the aisle as ECW goes off the air.
The winner: Definitely not us or the crowd but Bobby Lashley won.
One Skull - Only because the match length was long but it was the same old shit. Orton was owning Bobby Lashley making him look utter weak in the process.
What pissed off 23Log this week? The shill of the New Breed shirt during a CM Punk segment. When are we going to see the Pepsi Plunge?
Highlight of the night - The originals being put over the New Breed as they should, which means they are going to do the J-O-B at the P-P-V.
As always feedback is always appreciated.
Posted in ECW TV by SystemCrash
Tuesday, March 13th, 2007
Mar 12, 2007
We open with another lost wrestler - “Big Cat” Ernie Ladd passed away after fighting with cancer. Man, that’s three deaths since I’ve started writing Raw reviews. Maybe I should stop.. Naaaah - if I stopped, I wouldn’t get to write about John Cena, who just happens to be headed to the ring (again with no stupid ass Raw theme music this week, but I’m not sure opening with Cena’s music is much better).
Cena Reaction Report: Finally an interesting one, as we are very mixed with some very audible boos, even though he comes out first when the crowd is at its hottest. It can only get worse from here. Sorry, John.
Cena also has a new shirt. It’s stupid too. Let’s see how long it takes for this one to start rotting on him. He gets on the mic and begins to wonder out loud if he can really trust HBK. A “Cena Sucks” chant starts to build, but peters out. He tells Shawn that if he plans to backstab him, he’s not down with that and HBK can come to the ring and frontstab him; more specifically kick his teeth down his throat. I wonder how many people Shawn’s really done that to? I’m inclined to guess a big fat NONE.
Cue Michaels (and the two member DX music - Shawn and God) and our tag champs are in the ring. I think I saw a piece of one of the tag belts rot off of one, but I could just be straight trippin, foo. Cena tells HBKhrist that he’s only got his back because of the WWE championship, right? Shawn says yes - he wants the belt and he’s done a good job at the whole back watching thing, but then he throws a little curveball by asking how come no one is wondering when Cena’s going to turn on Shawn? CAUSE THEY’D SELL LESS T-SHIRTS IF HE DID THAT. Props to HBK for trying to make Cena’s character a tiny bit more interesting, but it was only trying. Trying doesn’t mean succeeding.
They lock eyes as Shawn tells him that no matter how bad Cena wants the belt, Shawn wants it more. This tender moment is destroyed when the lamest theme music ever (Coachman Super Tool’s) hits and tells the champs that there are plenty of tag teams that want to take the straps from them. What fucking pocket are you hiding all these tag teams in, silly bitch? Well, there are really only three, apparently, as Coach makes a three-team gauntlet match for Chain Gangeration-X; 3 matches back-to-back-to-back, the last one (if it makes it there) will be in a FIFTEEN FOOT HIGH STEEL CAGE. You know, the one that kills careers and is made of sinful, unforgiving steel? The very same one, wanks. Like there’s not going to be a third match in this whole thing, but wouldn’t it be a hell of a swerve if they never did go to three and the cage just hung there for no reason? Based on as much sense as this whole thing makes, the cage will be around the ring for pretty much no reason either…
Backstage, “The Donald” arrives. That’s it. He arrives. Oh, he walks a little bit.
Up next we have our first match! Yippee!
But not before we ask more fucking random celebrities about who they think is getting their head shaved. I don’t care what you think - you don’t care what I think, do you? I didn’t think so. So shut up.
RIC FLAIR vs. CARLITO vs. RANDY ORTON: MONEY IN THE BANK QUALIFYING MATCH
So we’re going to try this one again - hopefully 100% Khali free, but definitely won’t be 100% chinlock free now as Orton has been added to this match; I’m guessing this has something to do with the fact that he’ll probably be winning it.
Ric Flair’s out first w/o chance in hell of winning, followed by Carlito w/o useless tagalong cheerleader, then Randy w/o pyros again. Maybe he’s just practicing for when he finally takes too much HGH and he actually has to cradle his head from the growth. At least everyone in this match has history with each other, so by all rights it shouldn’t be sloppy. This one is elimination, by the way.
Kicks off with both Flair and Carlito, as faces, attacking Orton. This leads to approximately 3,523 chops from Flair and plenty of pointless springboarding from Carlito - now just imagine that switched around; Flair springing off the ropes, but only landing on that one hip. FlairLito finally get to a point where they stop ganging up on Orton, which leads to Flair taking a Backcracker while he tries to put Orton in the Figure-4. For a guy Flair’s age, that shit probably popped some joints back into place. Orton then gets up, tosses Carlito out of the ring, and hits the RKO on Flair for the first elimination. We’re down to two as we go to commercial - when we come back Orton will probably have Carlito in a chinlock….
All be damned. He’s got him in a boston crab instead; for the SECOND week straight! Maybe it’s becoming the new chinlock? Bullshit. Orton’s in control of this match as “no appendage is safe” from his heelish stomping (JR). NONE of your appendages are safe from the Legend Killer - especially not your CHIN, as we finally come to the inevitable chinlock. Y’know, I hope someone accidentally gets their fucking neck broken for real from a chinlock so the “E” bans the move like they did with the piledriver and the shooting star. Orton’s repertoire of moves would be crippled.
Anyway, not much time is wasted in chinlock-land as Carlito counters out of it, and also counters out of an RKO attempt before nailing a headscissors (!). We come to the point where Carlito gets his same old spots in (Cool Spots?). The springboarding was cool the first couple times - now you’re just showing off, dick. There. That’s what you get. Crotched on the top rope and RKO’d. No Money in the Bank for you, pal.
WINNER (AND FINAL MONEY IN THE BANK PARTICIPANT): RANDY ORTON
BEST PART OF MATCH: It was a good length for a TV match with nothing sloppy and the crowd didn’t shit all over it.
OVERALL: 
Orton’s celebration goes on for too long as I think up something to put here. Ah, ok - here we go: I don’t think you should be allowed to be in the Money in the Bank match if you’ve ever been a World Champion. Edge, Booker, and now YOU, Randy, don’t belong. Leave that shit to the guys who you think will never get a shot, not book the easy way out. Damn it. Ok he’s gone now.
More footage airs pimping the only match at Wrestlemania that apparently matters. By the way, not even WWE’s video editing awesomeness can make Lashley interesting.
By the way, did you know that there’s a contract signing tonight? I did.
Looks like we get another Masterlock challenge. I wonder if this one can possibly be more pointless than last weeks? Apparently no one cares enough about Masters to take the challenge, so he decides to pick someone. He picks Lillian Garcia, but nothing comes of it because SUPER! CRAZY! makes the save, going super-lucha-crazy on Masters before being super-countered into the super-fucking-duper-Masterlock. It is here that JR says that “not a living human being has broken the Masterlock.” Masters is a human. Masters has broken the Masterlock. Challenge is DONE FOREVER. And it was only slightly less pointless this week.
Another limo? Could it be Vince? Of course it is. “The Donald’s” already here, so now we get “The Vince”. He tells Trump’s driver to mention that “his is bigger than Trump’s”. He means their limos, but he’s implying pecker size. Get it? Ha. Fucking. Ha.
Random thought - why do they show those “Raw Fan Nation” promos during Raw? Ok - so you watch Raw. Guess what, fucker - I do too. How do you think I’m seeing you? Are they trying to tell me it’s okay to watch Raw because people go on TV and say they’re fans, too? That’s the end of the thought, really - I had no point from the start.
Backstage we go to Orton & Edge who have an asshole contest with each other and talk about Money in the Bank.
Lillian Garcia tells us to look up at the ‘tron as someone has a special public service announcement. It’s the fucking ROCK, who says finally, the Rock has come back to Raw (via an obviously pre-taped segment shot on the other fucking side of the US on my off time from making MILLIONS…..and millions of dollars doing something that people outside of the wrestling world actually respect, but nonetheless back to Raw.). He shills the Billionare match, making a joke, in true Rock fashion, about how “Umaga” in Samoan means “shriveled-up monkey penis” and that Vince can’t beat anyone with a shriveled-up monkey penis. The only thing that can beat a shriveled-up monkey penis is a shriveled-up monkey. He didn’t say that part - I threw that shit in because I like to pretend I’m as cool as the Rock (while failing more and more by the minute). He finishes with his whole Smell-la-la-la-ow thing and the crowd goes apeshit. Man, Raw needed that. How sad is it that a taped Rock can draw more crowd reaction than anyone that could possibly walk to the ring on every roster.
We shill the Playboy of Ashley that went on sale today - at the cost of seeing her magic mountains you are forced to deal with her bitch ass being shoved down your throat for the next four weeks, and not in no good way. She looks like every other chick that’s ever posed - plastic & thin; remember, this is the magazine that could make Chyna look hot. The pictorial itself was nothing super special - you’d still bang her, though.
It’s Vince o’clock - and we have a MATCH???!!! First, no post-commercial chinlock, then no Vince at 10 PM??? What sort of bizzaro world have I been transported to? I guess it’s time for the three-team gauntlet match with THREE TIMES the HBK/Cena heel tease. Joy.
GAUNTLET MATCH FOR THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS: JOHN CENA/SHAWN MICHAELS vs.
FIRST TEAM: WORLD’S GREATEST TAG TEAM
Benjamin/Haas should just give up on the whole “world’s greatest” bit. Unless they live on some fucking alien planet where the only thing there is Shelton, Charlie, and a bunch of purple mushrooms and they are the greatest tag team on THAT world, it’s just a bullshit name anymore, friends. Cena/Shelton start off as the heel team works its heel ways (isolating tag partners, frequent tags - a face team should NEVER win the belts based on the strength of strategy alone) before Cena finally makes the hot tag to HBK (who is probably not used to being the one who is TAGGED for the hot tag, but that’s the way shit is when Cena’s your partner). Shawn hits a great DDT on Haas, but Cena makes the blind tag (tension) and jumps in to make Haas tap WAY too quickly to the Machine Gun Face.
SECOND TEAM: CADE & MURDOCH
Murdoch starts off . These guys are not winning - guess we’ll see that cage after all. He beats on Shawn for awhile before Cade comes in and takes over. This is more like the HBK tag matches I’m used to seeing; Shawn taking the extensive beatdown. More heel domination like before; basically the same match again. Damn, somewhere between here and there, Cade turned into a huge guy. I wonder how? Wellness policy? Both guys make the hot tags, but it’s only a TRUE hot tag when you’re the good guy, so Cena cleans up (which is getting a chorus of boos) and goes for his series leading to the F-U, which HBK decides he wants to be a cock this time and superkicks Murdoch while he’s up in the position for the F-U (tension!). Cena looks pissed as he covers Murdoch for the three count. Wow. That was one match stretched and yanked into two.
The cage begins to lower! Who could it be next??
THIRD TEAM: MNM
Ah, yes - MNN; breaking down the restrictions of the booking brainfart that is the brand extension yet again. Week in and week out. I guess you just have to be a metrosexual to be able to jump shows whenever the fuck you want. Either way, we come back from break with this match already started in the cage. Speaking of the cage, I’m assuming the whole cage thing had a point and wasn’t just a way to attempt and make shit interesting. I really shouldn’t assume. Same old shit with the heels doing their heel thing and beating up HBK. Nitro tries for the corkscrew moonsault, which looks cool but is quickly becoming like Angle’s moonsault was in the fact that he’s never allowed to hit anyone with it, only air-ball it.
Both guys tag out as Cena comes in to destroy Mercury by throwing him into the cage. Shawn comes in and they try to one-up each other by seeing who can bury MNM the quickest. Cena finally goes for the F-U to end this damn thing, but drops Mercury as HBK teased the superkick on Cena (TENSION!!!), but instead they get along like good little boys and hit the Chin Music/F-U combo on Mercury for the win.
WINNER: WHO THE BLEEDING FUCK HELL ELSE?
BEST PART OF MATCH: The spot where HBK superkicked Murdoch while he was up for the F-U was cool (not to be confused with the superkick INTO the F-U spot from later. Not as cool)
OVERALL:  3 of the same damn match crammed into one match, even with the cage. It wasn’t sloppy or anything, but it damn sure wasn’t spectacular. A steel cage does not necessarily a better match make, but they make you at least think things will be more interesting. A lot of things would be more interesting with steel cages; having an argument with a sibling? PUT EM IN A CAGE!!! Disagreement with the boss? PUT EM IN A CAGE!!!
By the way, after the match, all of the teams come back in and get their asses kicked by Cena/Michaels to ensure that it’s not just MNM that are totally buried, but two more of the few tag teams in the WWE. Way to go, fuckos. They do yet another heel tease, this time with Cena teasing the chairshot on Shawn, but hitting Haas instead. Pussies.
By the way, in case you didn’t know about tonight’s big deal, I’ll help you out by making it as obvious at they have. Later, we have a
I just realized something - they just put the Cena/Michaels match on at 10 PM. That means our main event of the night is the
*sigh*
Now we get another match.
JEFF HARDY vs. EDGE
Here comes the Rainbow Express Jeff Hardy drying his hands as he prances to the ring, obviously very excited to become immortal like his brother did after being totally fed to Edge. Remember, he got banished to Smackdown, where he discovered that he will not die. Imagine what Jeff would do to himself if he found out HE couldn’t die..
Anyway, back to the ring where Edge is not dressed to wrestle. It looks as if Edge had some tattoo work done recently, as it seems he’s got the Prince symbol on his forearm. He gets on the mic and explains himself. Apparently he doesn’t want to wrestle in front of more “bigots” like last week who have a football team named the “Redskins”. And, also last week, I ask what the hell? Luckily for us, he’s got an Indian friend to take his place in this match. Tatanka? No wait, they fired his ass…..oh, shit. The other kind of Indian. FUCK! Well, let’s just get this over with before it even starts.
JEFF HARDY vs. EDGE THE GREAT KHALI (UNLESS HE’S GREAT AT BEING SHIT)
WINNER: NOT A LIVING SOUL
BEST PART OF MATCH NO-SELL FEST: Jack fucking shit.
OVERALL: 
Khali slams him around. Edge laughs. KANE shows up. With a big-ass hook. If his fishing for Khalis, he’d better bait that hook with all the SUCK he can find. Khali actually runs off as Kane proves that he can’t even look menacing with a murder weapon. These two should have the first-ever REAL death match at 23. Not that they need the boost in buyrates because everyone alive is ordering it for Trump/McMahon.
Hall of Fame inductee this week: Mr. Fuji - master of the salt toss.
Re-Todd Grisham backstage with Foley, who shills his book and gets a cheap pop in the same sentence before commenting on Trump/McMahon.
INTERJECTION: Vince has got celebrities from outside the ring, not to mention Bischoff, Austin, Foley, and even the fucking ROCK to shill this match and I still don’t care anymore than I had planned to care from the get-go. I’m tired of this - your audience is probably already ordering the PPV. Stop with the hard sell. We fucking get it.
Back to Foley, who has been interrupted by the Useless Plastic herself (Ashley). She offers to trade her Playboy for his book (co-shilling), which leads to Ron Simmons and DAMN. Damn….
More video bullshit for Vince/Trump. I GET IT!!!!!
Up next we get Milena vs. Torrie Wilson. Hopefully Milena doesn’t kill Torrie this week…then again…
MILENA vs. TORRIE WILSON (NON-TITLE NON-SKILL MATCH)
Chick-tastic offense. Period. Milena is in control for most of it; JR comments that when the girls toss each other by the hair it’s “like a Frisbee”. Yeah - like a 100 pound Frisbee with implants. Just like every fucking Frisbee I’ve ever owned. Jackass. I’d have owned many more Frisbees in my youth if these chick were “like a Frisbee”. Sometimes I want to take a circular saw blade and throw it at Ross’s face “like a Frisbee”. Sorry - small distraction here. Melina wins with a rollup and tights. Shocker.
WINNER: MILENA
BEST PART: I know what Torrie’s nipples look like.
OVERALL: 
Afterwards, Mickie James and Victoria run out, then Ashley runs out. You don’t really care what they do, do you? I didn’t.
Another backstage segment with Vince, who’s with Edge this time. Edge tells McMahon that Rated RKO’s got his back and that they’re going to ECW to put Lashley in his place. He asks Vince to make a match for Orton vs. Lashley, totally tossing Randy under the bus. The icing on the cake is when he has Vince apply a stipulation that if Orton doesn’t show up, he forfeits his spot in the Money in the Bank match. What a son of a stinky bitch that Edge is! First home wrecking, then push killing, now former partner backstabbing! Edge - do your heelish ways know no bounds?
Next week it’s “Wrestlemania Reversal” week on Raw, where HBK is going to take on JBL (?) and Cena will face Chris Benoit. Weird - I find myself caring more about those matches than most of the ‘Mania card up to this point.
Main….uhhh….event time?
Vince heads to the ring and nearly eats shit tripping on the ring apron. He starts slamming on Trump as he has for a god damn month straight, playing to the crowd’s “What’s” (which of course are back in full effect). Blah, blah - he won’t have his head shaved because he has UUUUUUUMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAGGGGGAAAAAAAAAA. There’s his cue. Can this savage even write his name on a contract? Or does he not have to sign because it’s not a match with Umaga vs. Lashley at ‘Mania, but rather Trump vs. McMahon overshadowing what will be a sub-par match? The latter. Just a thought - WM 3 had “The Irresistible Force vs. The Immovable Object”. WM 23 pimps itself to be the later successor of no. 3, so at that show we’ll get “The Unstoppable Push” vs. “The Unmarketable Lug”. Works for me.
Vince then teases that Trump has left because he’s scared of getting a “billionaire bitch slap”. If they put that shit on a shirt I’m finding a way to buy them all so I can burn each one into nonexistence. Trump, of course, is not scared as he heads to the ring. And to think this shit all came about from that stupid fucking Trump/Rosie match (the one the crowd loved so much they chanted “TNA! TNA!”). He he - someone is laser pointing Trumps face as he tells Umaga that he’ll have the hardest time in the ring he’s ever had when he faces his guy. I didn’t know Trump changed his pick to Scott Steiner. Oh, he means hardest time BEATING the guy. And it is still Lashley as he comes out to the pyro pop.
Now everyone except for Austin is in the ring - if he were there automatically no one would be listening to either of these guys. You can so not feel the tension in this ring. Trump is trying really hard to put over Lashley here; trust me, Donald - you can’t do anything that hasn’t been tried with this guy. I’ll tell you what would work: in all of his promos, make him talk totally ghetto slang. Like when Vince asked him to apologize, he would have said “sheeit, bitch - I ain’ gon’ apologize - I’m ‘unna bus’ yo’ ass, cracka-man if ya git in my bid-ness, fo shizzle, nizzle.” I promise that would work. I also lie sometimes.
Lot’s of blah blah blah here with them trying to one-up each other before the glass FINALLY breaks and we get Stone Cold, who is looking rather silly wearing white tennis shoes. Kinda like the time Warrior showed up with the hat on. Either way, we get standard fare from Austin as he polls the crowd for who is going to win the match (gimmie a hell yeah!) before thoroughly fucking with McMahon and asking him if he has a problem with bald people. He bottom lines it by saying someone’s getting their head shaved (in case you were still unsure at this point what this was all about), but we’re STILL GOING at 11:11 PM cause Vince has to get one more word in before he leaves the ring. The contract signing table is still intact as we’re about to end the show, but WAIT - THERE’S MORE as Trump shows a bald Vince on the ‘tron and calls him back to the ring - it’s now 14 after - but Vince is a chickenshit about it (even though he’s wrestled fucking Hogan - go fig). Trump sends Lashley away and calls him to the ring one more time, but this time Vince remembers the whole grapefruit thing….jumps in the ring….takes off the jacket…..and then gets the shit shoved out of him by Trump over the table in a spot that we’ll see about 6,000 replays of between now and April 1st. Ross is marking out like Hogan just bodyslammed Andre and ends the show on the line “The Battle of the Billionaires just got richer!!”, to which I literally gave my TV the finger.
Fucking 17 minute overrun - OK for bullshit, not OK for WRESTLING main events.
OVERALL SHOW: TWO actual matches on the show. I’m not counting the chick match or the Khali “match”. TWO. In TWO hours. Sorry - TWO hours SEVENTEEN minutes. WAY too much focus on this Trump/McMahon angle. This shit had better be pulling in a ratings boost or it’s all a supercalafradgilisticexpealiWASTE OF TIME. Two reasons this show didn’t get two thumbs down: First - it had more of a point than last weeks, but not much more. Second - the fucking ROCK. I say no more.
But at least we won’t have to hear any more about the fucking
Sho’nuff.
Posted in WWE RAW by ElGringo
Monday, March 12th, 2007
The pre-show opens with TNA: We Are Wrestling - not so much these days. They pimp the Elevation X as they cut to Jeremy Borash and the useless chick they got to replace Christy standing on the “black and blue carpet” treating this like celebrities arriving at the Oscars. A limo pulls up and it’s VINCE MCMAHON….no wait, sorry wrong show - it’s Robert Roode with with Miss Brooks and Eric Young driving the limo. Now it’s to Mike Tenay and Don West for the hard sell of the PPV, running down the card of rematches but with new gimmicky goodness added. Standard video packages shilling the matches air - usual pre-show fare.Christian Cage arrives and we find out that Tomko is in Japan and won’t be here tonight. Sorry to the three Tomko fans out there that suddenly are not going to order this PPV.
Now there’s a shot of a hearse arriving where they bring a casket to the ring for the “Last Rites” match, it’s not a casket match because I believe that Vince owns the term - gotta love copyrights!
Roode, Traci, and EY come to the ring and Roode basically just cuts him down, Young threatens to leave him, tells him that some friend of his said he doesn’t have to take this from him and almost punches him after Roode pimp slaps him, but ultimately remains Bobby’s bitch for another day.
Steiner arrives with two random bitches (whom I can already tell you were paid too much to be here) and with that fucking earring still wrapped around his chin. He cuts a promo about Angle and how he’s already beaten him both mentally and physically. This moron couldn’t mentally beat an uncooked steak.
Now the Great Muta shows up. RANDOM.
They run the card down one more time before we cut to an interview with Team 3D who’s with Johnny Rodz, the trainer of D-Von.
Joe and Angle arrive at the same time and swipe each other’s catchphrases before we do one final sell for the show.
TNA PRESENTS DESTINATION-X
LAX VS. TEAM 3D - NON-TITLE GHETTO BRAWL
Standard garbage brawl at the beginning with actual garbage in the ring. Awesome spot from Hernandez diving over the top rope early on as the match was all over the Impact Zone - they were going through the crowd using miscellaneous weapons on each other, all in all getting the crowd really hot for this match. At one point, D-Von ended up with some guy’s sunglasses on.
Lots of brawling, which is 3D’s strong point and LAX is able to adapt to any style. Hernandez hits the Border Toss on D-Von before 3D take control again, leading to a big superplex on Hernandez by Ray before he gets a hurrincanrana from a lingering Homicide. 3D makes a comeback, hits the “wassup” spot, and they share a beer. before going to get a table - which apparently you can put your opponent through to win also, which we didn’t know before this match started.
The whole thing is then interrupted by a ton of Mexicans jumping the ring because it’s a ghetto brawl, y’know, then they all get cleared out by Johnny Rodz, but not for long as Homicide takes him out with a keyboard, leading to the gang jumping back in and gingerly kicking the old man. Suddenly a bunch of black dudes show up to brawl with the Mexicans - I guess now it’s definitely a ghetto brawl!
Meanwhile, 3D hits a Doomsday Device on Homicide while the brawl is still ensuing. RACE WAR RACE WAR!!!! Hernandez comes in to clean up while Homicide decides to keep kicking the shit out of Johnny Rodz, but he takes a 3d followed by the cover, but the count is interrupted by Machete, or rather the guy who pushes Konnan’s wheelchair (which really need some spinners). The gangs come back out again, as we see the white man once again brings the blacks and Mexicans down when Brother Ray jumps on all the members of both of the gangs, sending them all sprawled out outside the ring. It is at this point that Alex Shelley runs out, hits D-Von with the camera, and then frogsplashes him through the table to allow Homicide to get the pin and the victory
WINNERS - LAX
The Boss’s Thoughts: Fun garbage match, even though I hate that term. I enjoy seeing the big spots from Hernandez and I’m continually more impressed by him each week. Nice to see LAX go over in a non-title match. Johnny Rodz thing was unnecessary, but it led to the race war which was unintentionally funny. And it never hurts anything when Alex Shelley is involved.
System Crash’s Thoughts: I saw Team 3D excel in two things that they’re good at: being amusing while wrestling and hardcore matches. They kind of brought part of ECW back since we don’t have any real ECW left. To agree with The Boss, Hernandez is great and continually impressive. It would be nice to see Shelley actually in a match instead of these angles, however. Nice touch to see the keyboard used in the match, too.
El Gringo’s Thoughts: LAX is the strongest team in wrestling right now and this cemented that. The crowd was great for this match and it was a good brawl with an ending that didn’t hurt 3D too much and hopefully leads to an angle for 3D with Shelley that doesn’t involve LAX, but I doubt it. I’m pretty much done seeing these guys fight, however, but this one worked. I just don’t think it can work any more.
Backstage with Rhino - bottom line: he’s scared of the Elevation X match. Funny part in this promo had him saying “gore, gore, gore” in a normal voice.
JAMES STORM/JACKIE MOORE VS. PETEY WILLIAMS/GAIL KIM - DOUBLE BULLROPE MATCH
Isn’t it a bit odd that a black woman wears the rebel flag on a hat? Anyway, in this match the guys are roped to the guys and the chicks are roped to the chicks. What is the point of this again? The whole rope Faces start in control leading to a spot where Jackie gets literally roped to the ring pole by Gail Kim and from what it seems is, funny enough, actually tied up, as they stay in that spot for way too long. Heels turn it around when Storm hangs Petey by his feet, but then tries to pin him afterwards. He’s on the ropes, dude - you just tied him to them. Storm teases doing a Canadian Destroyer (which we‘ve been teased with for about three months now), which Petey reverses and then goes nuts on Storm, hitting him with the rope a bunch and nailing a cool package DDT, which leads to the chicks finally being untied. Petey literally gets to rope Storm in (instead of just pantomiming it) after hitting his Russian legsweep spot, which of course leads to him attempting the Destroyer. However, ball shots prevail as Jackie nails a low blow, Storm nails a superkick, they nail the win.
WINNERS - JAMES STORM AND JACKIE MOORE
The Boss’s Thoughts: Pointless match brought along by a pointless feud that is hopefully just buying time to lead into a feud for Storm with Chris Harris, but he didn’t show up tonight so who knows. Petey has nothing invested in this feud and the added bull rope gimmick was thrown in there to make it a different and more interesting match, but actually just made it a worse match than the standard mixed tag from these two that we’ve already seen. Everyone here could put on a better match, but with the pointless bull rope crap it’s delegated to a throwaway trash bin match.
System Crash’s Thoughts: I agree with the pointlessness - an Impact match or maybe a pre-show match at very most, but not a match that belongs on the PPV. I hate the fact that they’ve been teasing the Canadian Destroyer but we never see it now even though they still shill it as the sickest move in TNA. This match would have had a tiny point had Harris shown up for the run-in, but he never did. Why? Is he really that fucked up that he can’t show up and do the same run-in he’s been doing? Why didn’t they build their feud to END in the Six Sides of Steel at Lockdown considering it’s the match that made AMW famous? Many questions, none answered. The only thing that could have made this match more interesting was a pop-out.
El Gringo’s Thoughts: Petey needs to get as far away from Storm as possible. The X-Division really needs someone like him to come back and help put it back over, but instead he’s in this useless feud with Storm wrestling matches that have no real purpose other than seemingly to push for women’s wrestling to come to TNA and keep the bed warm for Chris Harris‘ return. I say fuck the whole thing and just get the hell on with both of these guys stopping this pointless feud right now. Damn it all, Russo, and damn the stupid bullropes too. Really - where was Harris?
Scott Steiner is backstage with Leticia (that’s the useless beeatch’s name) - a whole room full of useless right now. Steiner again proves his mental acumen by telling angle that his defense is “indefensible“ - as in his defense is hard to defend against. I really need someone to tell me how a guy this dumb gets to keep showing up on TV. Christian interrupts the interview freaking out because Tomko isn’t here and wants Steiner to make sure that he’s got his back instead. Steiner tells him that he’s on his own cause all he‘s worried about is Angle. Christian drags the useless bitch away for some reason as we go to our next match.
AUSTIN STARR VS. SENSHI - CROSS FACE CHICKEN WING MATCH
What the hell is with this stipulation - you have to win this X-Division match with possibly the least X-Division move ever. Fuck Russo. Awesome X-Division match, however, even though we already know how it’s going to end. These guys really work well together - Starr had the absolute shit chopped out of his chest during this one. Definitely of the most solid X-Division matches we’ve had on PPV in a long time, even though they were saddled with having to slap each other in the chicken wing over and over. It’s pointless to try and call this one, as it was very fast pace (as all X-Division matches should be) and was very back and forth between these two, but Senshi seemed to be was in control for the most of the match as he was playing the face to Starr‘s heel.
Mr. Backlund inevitably comes to ringside towards the middle of the match, but the attention (thank God) stays on the in-ring action as Senshi and Starr have some more great spots (including a great suicide dive from Starr and some wicked kicks from Senshi - standard but awesome fare from both of them). Backlund plays a big role in the finish, though, by distracting Starr long enough to allow Senshi to turn a rollup into a mid-ring chicken wing - this one does the trick as Starr taps out.
WINNER - SENSHI
After the match, Backlund offers a handshake to Senshi, but Starr comes back in the ring and beats up on Backlund, leading to him slapping the chicken wing on him (nobody puts the chicken wing on Backlund!) and having referees pull him off. Starr looks crazy as we move on.
The Boss’s Thoughts: Much better match than the match type should have allowed. Proof positive that these guys can work regardless of the situation. It is nice to see a match that doesn’t end on a rollup, run-in, or finisher. Reminiscent of the X-Division matches of old where the pace picked up early and never stopped. I do think that there is no reason to have Backlund involved in this - his presence makes whatever he’s attached to weaker because of it. All in all, it was a fun match and a nice change of pace from most X-Division matches as of late.
System Crash’s Thoughts: Definitely nice to see an actual X-Division match; along with the one from Impact a couple weeks ago we’ve had two strong ones in the last couple months. It was also nice to see also a strong one on one X-Division match instead of a three way or five way or something. It pulled through regardless and showed that they’re great workers and actually made the stupid circumstances work - they were handcuffed to that stupid gimmick and were still able to break them. They broke Russo’s glass ceiling, if you will.
El Gringo’s Thoughts: I agree with both in the sense that it was one of the strongest matches of the show despite the bullshit. Love watching these guys work - they had a terrific match in ROH that stands out in my mind - and Starr’s chest was welted and practically bleeding after this encounter. It was a view of what once was in the X-Division, but also a view of what doesn’t need to be. Backlund just needs to go away and for fuck’s sake we just need fast-paced high-impact wrestling. Dammit.
They shill the stupid texting polls, which will more than likely be near 50/50 by the end for whose going to win the title match.
Borash interview backstage with AJ Styles, who’s just being a cocky bastard about the Elevation X.
Christy Hemme comes out and is interrupted by VKM, where they go on with this stupid ass angle where Kip James is supposed to be the face while he cuts down Christy and all women in general while Hemme stands up for herself and I think we’re supposed to boo her because she’s a bitch or something. I don’t get it. Kip makes some retarded joke about how women take care of his pet named B-I-N-G-O while crotch chopping on the “O“. Yes, it really was as stupid as it sounded. This dude rivals Scott Steiner for most ignorant and incoherent idiot on the stick. BG is just standing there looking completely out of place and lost. This sucks. Christy introduces her mystery team - the god damn Heartthrobs formerly from Raw - Romeo and Antonio. Ok. well, they’re the HeartBREAKERs here. I still don’t care.
VKM VS. THE HEARTBREAKERS
BG and Antonio start off this terribly sloppy match. The crowd is trying so hard to be hot for his match, and they’re doing everything possible to kill it. There’s really no clear heel or face other than BG as they cough and stumble through this one. VKM pretty much dominates this match - leading to a spot where Christy tried to low blow Kip James but he’s wearing a cup, which he of course pulls out of his tights and makes her smell. Ha Ha. Lance Hoyt then comes out and takes her away which leads to the highlight of the match when they show an upskirt shot on Christy.
Now comes the only real offense for the Heartjobbers against Kip, leading to the hot tag to BG (who actually looked like the strongest and cleanest worker in this match) who hits the pumphandle slam on one of the jokers for the three count. After the match she gets pissed at her boys for not getting the job done (What did you expect? You found jobbers from Sunday Night Heat! Silly ass!) while VKM celebrates with Hoyt.
WINNERS - VKM (AND DEFINTELY NOT THE CROWD)
The Boss’s Thoughts: I’d say this match reeked of Vince McMahon booking, but strangely enough that would be insulting to Vince McMahon. PS - I almost want to hit myself in the head for saying that. The match itself was utter shit but my biggest problem with this whole thing is the lack of face/heel orientation.
System Crash’s Thoughts: If people are going to job to VKM, why pick guys like the Heartthrobs instead of giving Indy talent a shot on a national stage? They were WWE rejects and were trying to make Hemme the heel in this match, but it’s still unclear with Kip’s actions - acting like a juvenile prick - who the face or heel really is. It did seem like McMahon booking. It was a pointless match that took too long and should have been a squash since the Heartthrobs probably won’t show back up again and likely lead to another random tag team from Christy Hemme. Kip needs to give Hemme a Fameasser on thumbtacks - she needed to just stay as Borash’s sidekick.
El Gringo‘s Thoughts: At least no one was hurt in this match, but that’s pretty much the best thing to come out of it. They should have just cut their losses and turned VKM back into the James Gang when the whole thing was over, but now we’re stuck with this crap instead. Too long of a match and way too much time on an angle that really no one cares about. The equivalent of shoving a square peg into a round hole - it’s just not working. This belonged on Impact.
Backstage with Abyss and Christian - he tries to get him to team with him and Abyss actually does agree, which leads to them bumping fists and Christian saying “shake and bake”. Funny segment.
Promo package leading to our next match
JERRY LYNN VS. CHRIS SABIN - 2 OUT OF 3 FALLS FOR THE X-DIVISION TITLE
Yay, so now we can have three little rematches instead of one big one. Match starts slow which shouldn’t ever be the case with an X-Division match. Crowd was dead for this one as there seemed to be something much more interesting happening in the audience that the majority of the fans were focused on, which we later found out was a fight in the crowd. Sad. They wrestled mostly a heavyweight style match early on with simple moves, rest holds, and basic match flow. It wasn’t very interesting until a neato spot where Sabin went for a baseball slide that Lynn countered into a Stungun across the guardrail. They get back into the ring and it leads to the first fall with a tornado DDT on Sabin that looked great, but likely wouldn’t have put him down in any other match.
Back to the match where Jerry Lynn does everything he can to get the crowd back into this match by doing some goofy-ass dancing, including the Pee Wee Herman dance, which really does look as goofy as it sounds. We’re on to mini-match 2 which starts with a fake-out spot where Lynn teases a sunset flip to the inside and instead hits a legdrop across Sabin‘s neck, which is on the middle rope, which leads to a springboard into the crowd from Lynn onto Sabin. Great spot, but it looked like Lynn didn’t know about a little wall that was behind him and ate shit against it. We go back in the ring for some quicker action before Sabin slows shit down with a chinlock right out of the pages of Boring Heel 101. Lynn fights out of it and hits a sunset flip powerbomb off the top for a 2 count, then Sabin turns it around with a headscissors counter into a powerbomb of his own with his feet on the ropes - again, Heel 101 - for the second fall.
Crowd is anti-Sabin at this point. Lynn gets some near falls before Sabin makes another comeback, leading to his running kick and a Cradleshock, which Lynn actually kicks out of! Sabin decides to go for the Cradle Piledriver, which of course doesn’t work as Lynn counters it. This prompts some bald guy in a sting mask to come to ringside and jump up on the apron (who is very obviously Christopher Daniels) distracting Lynn for just long enough to have Sabin hit one more Cradleshock for the win and the retention.
WINNER (AND STILL CHAMPION): CHRIS SABIN
After the match, the mystery guy reveals for sure that he’s the Fallen Angel by nailing the Angels Wings on Sabin, the Last Rites on Lynn, then finally unmasks revealing a beard and some weird symbol drawn around his eye as new theme music plays.
The Boss’s Thoughts: Better than their last match, which doesn’t mean that much - pretty standard for a heel Chris Sabin match. The ending was a bit weak and I really hope this is Jerry Lynn’s last match in the X-Division, but based on this ending it won’t be. I’m really glad to see Daniels back, but I really hope they don’t fuck him up. He just needs to get back in the ring where he excels.
System Crash’s Thoughts: Not that good of a match for me - Sabin seems to be a worse wrestler now that he’s a heel. Daniels showing up was the biggest highlight of this match, and Lynn had some good spots for his age, but overall i just really didn’t care.
El Gringo’s Thoughts: An X-Division match should never ever feel like two heavyweights wrestling, and for the most part, that’s what happened here. It also suffered from the same thing that most 2 out of 3 falls do - the first two falls are always weak looking. I’m tired of heel Sabin - he’s overdoing it here as most heels in the X-Division were still fun to watch - and Jerry Lynn is not a good foil for him. I do agree with Daniels showing up being the highlight, but I’m inclined not to be too excited for this whole “gimmick change” he’s gone through. It had better not be too drastic, as he did not need it at all. I’m done with these guys.
Backstage with Cornette, where Christy Hemme tells him she’s not done here and Cornette tells her that he’s hiring for a secretary. This whole thing needs to stop.
We lower the structure as we get ready for the next match.
AJ STYLES VS. RHINO - ELEVATION X MATCH
This can only end one way - when someone is thrown from the structure. Match starts with brawling before AJ makes the climb to the top of the X. Rhino gingerly follows looking terrified while Styles taunts him. AJ plays the heel big time by shaking the structure when Rhino tries to stand. They keep cutting to reactions of the crowd looking frightened as AJ finally pisses Rhino off when he spits on him, prompting him to finally stand up and start to fight a bit before Rhino nearly takes the fall. He makes it back up and now it’s AJ’s turn to nearly fall and hang from the structure, leading to a spot where he climbs inside the structure itself, confusing the shit out of Rhino. He finally finds AJ with help from the crowd, but AJ stays in control leading to him teasing a Styles Clash, which of course was countered by Rhino.
Some more elevated fisticuffs leads to AJ doing the classic heel spot of readying some white powder to throw in his face. Naturally, this backfires on him as Rhino hits his hand and he powders himself, setting him up for the weakest gore in history. Really more of a nudge than a gore. At this point, AJ is tossed over and is barely holding on until Rhino stomps his hand and he takes the plunge rather well into the center of the ring, ending the match and prompting the EMTs to ringside, even though AJ has taken much worse bumps than that, but it’s all for the sell, y’know?
WINNER - RHINO
The Boss’s Thoughts: This match was as good as to be expected. The concept is flawed as the match leads entirely to one spot, downplaying the match itself. Both wrestlers seemed nervous, to say the least, and the actual amount of wrestling was ridiculous. This Elevation X hopefully was the last and only one especially since I can’t see anyone else better than AJ to attempt it and it still didn’t turn out very good.
System Crash’s Thoughts: It could have been worse. I do agree with the boss; I don’t like one spot matches. Right now, it’s a flawed concept match; the platform should have been wider for them to be allowed to do something safely - it really did not have wrestling nor safety in mind. They should have spent more time in the floor rather than going right up the structure. And just a side note: AJ should have known that only your manager can get away with throwing the powder - never you.
El Gringo’s Thoughts: This match was a bit weak, but I can see it’s point - it was all about building the tension for when the fall was going to happen, which from that angle it was a success. From all others, however, it wasn’t a success. There was no holy shit spots, nor could there really be any safe ones. It’s definitely a concept that needs some retooling. Something else AJ should have known: once you create a gimmick match specific to you, you’ll nearly always lose it. See Kane - Inferno Match and Undertaker - Buried Alive Match. All in all, I agree that it was indeed a flawed concept that hurt the match.
We go to a Kurt Angle interview backstage where he cuts pretty much the same promo he’s cut since he put the mouth guard in as we head to his match.
KURT ANGLE VS. SCOTT STEINER
Steiner comes out with the chicks and we start off this match - the embodiment of Angle vs. Steroids - with some basic grappling that quickly turns to crap as we discover that not even Kurt fucking Angle can carry Scott Steiner to a decent match. Steiner does get busted open hardway with Angle’s headbutt of doom, which may have been the most interesting thing in the match. Steiner was just limping and lumbering his way through this while Angle does his damndest to keep this match interesting, but fails.
Angle hits the three germans and eventually hits an Olympic Slam before slapping on the ankle lock, which Steiner counters the same way everyone counters it, leading to more sloppiness. Angle gets back-dropped over the top rope and takes a nasty fall which leads to Steiner hitting his own fucked-up and brutal looking Olympic Slam leading into the Steiner Recliner. Angle gets out, down comes the straps, and we get an ankle lock, which Steiner counters out of again. We come to the ending, which is super sloppy as Steiner goes for a top rope belly to belly suplex countered by Angle into a sunset flip where Steiner holds on to the middle rope before finally getting ripped free by Kurt for the three count. It was a weak-looking pin that Steiner didn’t even try to kick out of. Crowd obviously loved this match as they chanted “that was weak”.
WINNER - ANGLE
The Boss’s Thoughts: Scott Steiner is a useless load. Angle tried to carry him and failed. What does that tell you? Bret Hart couldn’t carry this guy. He’s useless in every sense of the term. The match itself was short but still painful to watch. Die, Scotty, Die.
System Crash’s Thoughts: The match had one positive - it was mercifully short. Extremely weak ass ending - Scott should have just kicked out and they should have just gone with something else. The Olympic Slam that Steiner did looked cool but was more than likely just a botched move. Steiner should never be allowed near a ring again (or a microphone, by the way - do I look like Quasimodo to you?)
El Gringo’s Thoughts: We were all better off with Steiner being gone. The only thing I was looking forward to in this match was one of these guys really getting pissed at the other and someone getting pounded for real, but I didn’t even get that. Steiner looked really bad and lost in this match as he has pretty much every time he’s wrestled since coming to TNA. He’s really no asset to anyone and he’s probably only kept on TV because he’s a train wreck and we all know how people love train wrecks. Thank God for the TNA fans letting the entire world know how that match went.
Borash backstage with Samoa Joe - he finally gets his shot.
ABYSS VS. STING: LAST RITES MATCH (SINCE WE CAN’T CALL IT A CASKET MATCH)
Let’s just dress up the same match in new clothes and maybe they won‘t know…. apparently, to win, you have to put your opponent in the casket that starts off suspended above the ring. Match starts quickly outside the ring (by the way, the ringside area is dressed up with candles and gravestones and shit. Totally robo-cheezy and lame) and once the action goes to the ring, Sting takes control and hits a Scorpion Death Drop, which should have been lights out for Abyss based on the match two months ago. The Monster turns the tables on Sting when he busts him in the head with one of the fake-looking candelabras, which prompts Sting to start bleeding all over hell. Abyss then calls for the coffin to be lowered, which leads to cheezy Undertaker lights and smoke, prompting the crowd to show their love for this match by chanting “Fire Russo“. Wow. Gotta love that TNA crowd. Things just continue being lame from here as they do the classic “almost close the casket but not quite cause my arm‘s blocking you“ spot. Abyss grabs one of the tombstones, but doesn’t make it too far and ends up in the Scorpion Deathlock, then ends up with said tombstone being broken on his head with a bat, pretty much like every weapon that Abyss brings into the ring. This leads to Sting’s turn to shove someone into the “deathbed“, but Abyss makes it out and Sting gets chokeslammed on top of the casket, thoroughly fucking it up. Abyss then builds some contraption out of two chairs and another tombstone (which we all know Abyss will end up through) as he takes Sting and goes for a superplex onto the structure he built. Sting, of course, counters, sending Abyss through his contraption and then he shoves Abyss into the casket.
WINNER - STING
Afterwards the Undertaker lights come on again as the coffin is raised to the ceiling. LAME.
The Boss’s Thoughts: Two words: Fire Russo. If there was ever a more deserving chant from the crowd, I have yet to hear it. What you have here is two wrestlers bumping their asses off in a match that was already handicapped by a ridiculous premise. I’m still impressed by Sting taking the bumps he does at his age but the match type was such that I cannot give this one a good review.
System Crash’s Thoughts: Good match for them considering the shitty booking. Fire Russo - props to the crowd. It’s nice to see Sting busting his ass to put over TNA, but he really didn’t need to go over in this match as he could have gone in the casket and done his magic disappearing act. Something tells me that this feud is not over even though this should have been the final match. The props around the ring were really stupid, by the way.
El Gringo’s Thoughts: I was waiting for the lightning bolt to hit the coffin and we see Abyss coming back in six months with druids and torches. I really can’t explain how stupid this whole thing was - the match did all the talking for me, as it made me (and apparently the crowd) totally indifferent to great talent like Sting and Abyss. This terrible match wasn’t their fault, however, as they were stuck with the nigh-impossible task with putting this concept over. The result? A “fire Russo” chant. You figure it out. I hope Dixie Carter was watching.
Christian is backstage in the locker room complaining that no one has his back, and the Great Muta comes in and shows us why he came to TNA all the way from Japan - to spit green mist on a locker. That’s it.
SAMOA JOE VS. CHRISTIAN CAGE - NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH
Joe comes out with traditional Samoan dancers and flaming baton twirlers. The crowd really needs a good match here after the two previous ones - it delivers. Joe starts out strongly in control while Christian plays the heel, but things change briefly when Christian and Joe brawl to the floor. Joe brings things back into his favor by hitting the ‘fuck off’ spot when Christian runs at him - he takes it hard on the floor. Now we brawl in the crowd to wake them back up with Joe on the offense, leading to him hitting the ole kick against the fence walls in the audience area.
Back to the ring where Christian turns it around with a nasty DDT on the ring apron to Joe. Back and forth offense in the ring now with each guy getting their spots in, including a great series where Joe went for a Muscle Buster from a standing position, but was countered by Cage into a reverse DDT. Another great spot had Joe hit Christian with a jumping kick when Cage came of the top rope. These guys are saving this show in thi |
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