What’s up fuckies, it’s another edition of the ever mind-numbing Smackdown review. I’m sure that this week will be another in a long line of shows that really does nothing but keep us coasting until Wrestlemania. Oh ya, I forgot about the BATTLE OF THE BILLIONAIRE BUTT PLUGGERS. I didn’t really forget I just was trying to give myself forceful amnesia. I’m sure we’ll here all about how Vince McMahon and Donald Trump will somehow be the most interesting thing at Wrestlemania this year, despite holding any entertainment value what-so-ever, or even being involved in the direct match. Well lets get on with down of smack.

Well it looks like we start this weeks Smackdown with something that actually makes me ponder that Batista starting things out isn’t so bad, Vince McMahon. He comes to the ring blows himself verbally for a few minutes, he shows footage of Eugene getting his head shaved, and then he blows himself some more. God this whole Battle of the Billionaires match is quickly rising in my forever fuck you list. He then tells everyone in the audience that when he shaves Trumps head he will symbolically be shaving all of America’s head. Yah Vince, because all of America has a billion dollars, numerous hot ex-wives, their own TV show, and looks like they wear a dead ferret on their head. I think Vince has officially stepped out from reality to his own world filled with billionaires, cocksuckers, and people who think wrestling is mainstream news worthy. Vince keeps talking and pumps the fact that Stone Cold will call the match down the middle, if by the middle you mean slightly scewed one way then sure he will. He keeps talking and then announces again the Bobby Lashley vs. Vince McMahon match that will happen next week. I will love Lashley forever if he gives Vince the dominator through a bed of spikes. Then he puts Lashley in a match tonight against………MR. KENNEDY…….and Randy Orton? Brand Extension be damned. Orton then gets booed almost louder then Vince, until Vince does the Orton pose at the turnbuckle then everything is right in the land again. The two wrestlers take turns sucking the proverbial dick of McMahon in the ring for a while. Vince, in his all knowing wisdom, makes the match against Lashley a handicapped table match. this segment was way too long, but it had Vince so I’m sure he thinks it was time well spent.

Back from break and Kendrick and London make there way to the ring accompanied by useless plastic Ashley. They seem to be wearing masks that I can only describe as surrealist Halloween masks. Then MNM come to the ring in all of their metro sexual glory.

KENDRICK AND LONDON VS. MNM (TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH)

London pins Mercury after a frog splash crossbody. The match was actually pretty good. The tag team formula that I so often bitch about was not present in this match. The flow was good and the pace was quick. There was no bullshit ending which helped.

GOOD
-The pacing of the match was quick
-These two teams seem like they can work well together. Given a longer time I think these teams could put on a really great match.
-There was no formula in this match which was really nice considering it has been so long since I have seen a WWE tag team match without the formula.

BAD
- The useless plastic at ringside added absolutely nothing to the match and actually hurt the product just being out there, which is great considering they are probably going to be the ones at Mania, how sad is that.

OVERALL RATING:GOOD

Backstage an interview with the big pale gump Kane is taking place. We get to hear about Daivari and how Kane is going to use his hook on him in the match, to do what I’m not really sure, maybe to make Daivari Kababs (mine will come with chicken). This whole hook thing, which is so subtly brought back from See No Evil, is ridiculous. Well unless the match ends like the movie which sees Kane’s getting his eyes gouged out. That would be worth the price of admission alone. In a sad note it looks like WWE decided not to go with the middle eastern quasi devil baby idea.

Back from break and yet another Maryse intro which at this point I’m thinking is to make horny 14 year old boys think Smackdown is like those 1-900 number commercials, all visual and no pay off.

CHAVO GUERRERO VS. JIMMY WANG YANG

Jimmy Wang Yang pins Chavo after a top rope moonsault body block. This match was a good WWE cruiserweight match. Vince doesn’t let these guys bust out very often but we do get short glimpses of it, which is nice. There were some good spots in the match including the afore mentioned moonsault. Chavo drop kicked Jimmy Wang Yang while he was trying to do a flying crossbody. The match was quick and these two wrestlers worked pretty well together. All in all this match was a good showcase of good WWE cruiserweight wrestling.

GOOD
-Quick match with some good spots.
-These two wrestlers worked well together
-There were no slow parts of the match

BAD
-The match itself was pretty pointless. It just seemed like a way to get these two wrestlers on TV. Which isn’t a bad.

OVERALL RATING:GOOD

After the match they show a video package remembering Arnold Skaaland. If there is one thing WWE does that is bar none better then any other organization it is remembering fallen wrestlers.

After the break we are treated to a look at Stone Cold’s movie The Condemned, which looks like a cross between The Running Man and No Escape but thrown together by monkeys with ADD.

After the movie preview MVP comes to the ring. I still expect an entire football team to run out of that inflatable tunnel. He then announces his opponent Cedrick Van Haussen, who looks like a buss boy at Oktoberfest. JBL then blasts Cole for being a Xenophobe for commenting on his clothing.

MVP VS. CEDRIC VAN HAUSSEN

MVP beats Van Haussen with a play-maker which is that overdrive move from last week. This match was just made to get MVP some sort of momentum going into Mania, even if the momentum is just a crawl speed.

GOOD
-MVP seems to be getting his wrestling groove

BAD
-Still pretty pointless

OVERALL RATING: GOOD (I don’t care, I like MVP for some reason.)

After the match MVP gets on the mic and starts talking shit to Benoit about their match at Wrestlemania. He says that Benoit will become part of the MVP legacy. Well if the whole football thing holds true that legacy will involve at least three drug related arrests and another bogus assault charge as well as Benoit.

Time for the handicapped tables match. Kennedy comes to ring and instead of his full entrance we get…..HEY, Orton’s music hits. Then in true over pushed marking style Lashley comes out to a pretty large ovation.

MR. KENNEDY AND RANDY ORTON VS. BOBBY LASHLEY (Handicapped tables match)

Lashley puts Kennedy through a table then consecutively puts Orton through another table. This whole match was slow with random bursts of Bobby Lashley’s push showing through when he dominates Orton and Kennedy all at the same time. This match was the Bobby Lashley show. This guys push is so weird, first he’s not over enough to main event a Smackdown brand pay-per-view, now he’s in the most hyped match at this years Wrestlemania. It looks like somebody might have broken that magic eight ball that WWE creative uses to decide who to push and when. This match was just hard to watch. Considering that Kennedy has one on one wins against the Undertaker and he couldn’t beat Lashley in a Handicapped tables match this whole match was just silly. there are just some days when watching wrestling is about as fun as playing an old school Game Boy with half of the pixels missing.

GOOD
-The tables broke in the right places.

BAD
-Well lets see. the match was incredibly lopsided considering it was against two of the top heels in the company, and it was still a squash.
-Lashley did not need to go over these two guys, even if you don’t like them
-The match was pretty slow and boring.
-Everything else, I’m done talking about it

OVERALL RATING: BAD

After the match McMahon glares at Lashley, which I think is all he can do now-a-days, well that and verbally tickle his own twat.

Back from break and we have another backstage interview. This time it’s…..Batista. I’m beginning to hate this Kristyl chick, she picks the lamest interviews possible. First we get Kane then Blahtista. That’s like ordering poop for an appetizer just to find out that a bowl of bile is the main course. Well lets see what he has to say, it’s about to get Blah in here.
He reacts to what Taker did last week. Then he fulfills the blah in his name by saying that its not about getting angry but………..I DON’T FUCKING CARE. This guy is about as useful on the mic as frustrated field mouse.

CHRIS BENOIT VS. GREGORY HELMS

Benoit makes Helms tap out to the crossface. This match was about as standard a match that Benoit can have when you know he is going to own his opponent. The match was pretty solid considering it was just a match to put over Benoit so he didn’t look so bad tapping to Cena on Monday. Really nothing else to say about the match. Both of these guys are good workers. well I guess I did have else something to say.

GOOD:
-Benoit style match with brisk pacing
-JBL putting over Benoit instead of MVP even though he’s a heel announcer
-Some good wrestling spots through out

BAD
-Point of the match was just so Benoit could win a match after taping to John Cena.

OVERALL RATING: GOOD

After the match JBL gets up from the announcer chair and just leaves. I’m not exactly sure why maybe he doesn’t like the show either.

There’s all this pimping going on for the BOB match but I refuse to mention it because the more I talk about it the more I want to bob for apples in a vat of acid.

Teddy Long is shown backstage macking on Kristyl, it must not be for her interviewing skills. JBL walks in to cock block the brother. Bradshaw then suggests that he interview Blahtista and the Undertaker in the ring next week. That will be fun, “I’m here to wrestle,” “Rest in peace,” for ten minutes. Teddy Long then agrees to what he calls the biggest interview in sports entertainment history. I don’t know it seems that honor should belong to when Roddy Piper had Austin in Piper’s Pit. That’s not a joke or nothing that’s just how I feel.

In the back Batista is shown walking when Booker comes up to him to talk. But before any words Finlay attacks Batista, and both Finlay and Booker beat on Blahtista until security pulls them off of him. All this while Booker is shouting, “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

When they come back from break Booker is in the ring. Next out is Finlay with his rock on a stick. Undertaker comes out with his ten minute long entrance. It looks like Blahtista is not coming out. I’m so happy I don’t know how to express it. I will just get to my knees and thank god I don’t have to watch Batista wrestle.

KING BOOKER AND FINLAY VS. THE UNDERTAKER

The match ended with Booker and Finlay getting DQ’ed for Finlay hitting Taker with his rock on a stick. This match progresses like most handicap matches for the most part. It also felt like most tv main events lately, especially going into Wrestlemania. The crowd didn’t seem to be into this match very much, which doesn’t surprise me cause it was mostly just Finlay and Booker beating on Taker. The Deadman started to turn the match around, but that’s when Finlay hit Taker with the rock on a stick.

GOOD:
-It was a solid wrestling match. There were no blown spots really.
-I like the whole Booker & Finlay partnership.

BAD
-The ending was pretty standard WWE DQ
-The triple threat formula was pretty strong hear with no deviation from the normal flow
-The match never felt like it went anywhere for me

OVERALL RATING: BAD

After the match Booker and Finlay continue to beat down The Undertaker until Batista comes out and cleans house. Batista and Undertaker beat up on Booker and Finlay. Taker then goes for the last ride but Batista throws Booker into him and boos abound. The show ends with the two men glaring at each other and snarling.

This was just another show that felt like it was just cruising into Wrestlemania without really doing much in the way of shaking shit up. There were some decent matches on the show but, overall, the show was very bland.

OVERALL SHOW RATING: Meh

Well, I will see you next week here at the only Smackdown review on this site.

This entry was posted by TheBoss on Saturday, March 24th, 2007 at 2:30 am and is filed under WWE SmackDown. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.