Hola fuckies, I know the Gringo does the spanglish thing but I figure I would give it a try. I’m not sure if it really works for me, oh well. My cable is up and running, well not so much running as displaying colorfully. It’s time for the down of smack, and I’m sure we will be hearing about the battle of the of billionaire buttfuckers sometime today.

And this week we start Smackdown with………you’re kidding me Blahtista again. This is getting ridiculous. Blahtista has started off every Smackdown since I have started reviewing it. He is dressed this week in a very New York stock exchange kind of way, JBL should be able to connect with himon that alone. Things then go from worse to much fucking worser as we are shown the Miz is in the ring in a highlight reel type of setup. This should be interesting, who can cut the shittier promo. So let me get this straight instead of Jericho’s highlight reel we get Miz TV, which must stand for Miz totally vapid. Miz tries desperatly to prove to everybody that he really is a worthless waist of skin by merely opening his mouth. I would like one of those missiles from that Future Weapons show to stray from its course and turn the ring in to very boring rubble. Miz then tries to show that he has a sense of humor by turning the lights out and trying to get Blahtista to think Undertakers coming out. Oh yay hahaha, that’s a good one, I think my eyes are starting to bleed. Blahtista then shocks everybody by Batista bombing The Miz.. Ya know for a moment Batista wasn’t that boring, he did something I have wanted to do since the diva search. However I come back to my senses when I realize that whole promo said absolutely shit.

Side thought: I’m just a little creeped out by these Wrestlemania promos that show the wrestlers as kids. Especially the one with Torrie. No young girl should ever dress like Paris Hilton, that’s just not right. and if they really wanted to make her look like Torrie they should have gotten a little Puerto Rican kid to follow her around so she can kill his push.

Back from break Mr. Kennedy comes to the ring and gives us all one his great entrances\promos. KENNNNEEDDYY…….sorry I get carried away. Matt Hardy then walks to the ring. Well I guess Kennedy is going to win this match. Matt Hardy will not die but that doesn’t mean he’ll win either

MR. KENNEDY VS MATT HARDY

Well it looks like I was wrong. Matt Hardy wins the match with a twist of fate. Mr. Kennedy is starting to look like the AntiCena, he kicks the guys ass for the entire match and then falls after two or three moves. The match was decent. It was pretty long for a Matt Hardy TV match. It felt a bit lopsided being that Kennedy pretty much owned Hardy for most the match and then lost. There wasn’t many spots to note. However, there was a spear by Hardy out of the ring to Kennedy that seemed pretty stiff.

THE GOOD
-The match was a good length for a TV match, and it never felt too long
-There was some pretty good psychology in the ring from Kennedy that made the match interesting to watch
-It was technically sound with no blown spots which is a lot to be said for WWE
-Hardy actually was in a match with a wrestler that wasn’t Mercury or Helms

THE BAD
-The match seemed pretty one-sided for most of the match being that Kennedy owned Hardy for most of the time and then lost in 2 to 3 moves.

OVERALL RATING: GOOD

After the break Kennedy is backstage talking about how losing doesn’t effect him at all and that he will win money in the bank. Then he says bank again, How much funnier would things be if you repeated the last word of every sentence…………………..sentence.

MVP makes his way to the ring. His entrance still makes me laugh its like an entire football team is coming to ring, felonies and all. He then introduces his opponent El Grande Latte, which resembles an albino El Santo, kinda like Gringo.

MVP VS EL GRANDE LATTE

Mvp wins the match with the Overdrive, or at least that’s what the SvR 2007 game calls it. This match was pretty much pointless. I’d say it was MVP showing everyone his arsenal, but there was like only six moves in the match. If that’s your entire arsenal you might as well continue to wrestle albino jobbers.

THE GOOD
- Um…..I finally got to see the overdrive on TV to see if the move actually looks any good

THE BAD
-pointless
-pointless
-pointless

OVERALL RATING: BAD

After the match MVP reminds everyone that it has been seven days since he asked for a shot at the US title, and he hasn’t heard back from Teddy Long. Dude I wouldn’t be asking Teddy Long for anything. The quickest way for a heel to get beaten is to ask Teddy Long for any kind of match. Speaking of Teddy Long he comes out and continues to hate on the heels. He announces a match for Wrestlemania, MVP vs. Chris Benoit, who waists no time by running to the ring and attacking MVP. A brawl ensues until Benoit tries to get the crossface on and MVP bolts out of the ring like Barry Bonds out of a drug testing lab.

After the match Kendrick and London get to come out, but only after Ashley so that she can remind everyone that she’s naked in a magazine somewhere. Then the Brand split is yet again proved to be going Ludicrous speed as MNM comes to the ring. You know after a certain amount of this, one would have to look at the whole brand split thing and wonder” Does Vince McMahon watch his own shows,” cause how the hell could he shit on continuity so much and then ask everyone to still believe that a brand split actually still exists.

KENDRICK AND LONDON fet. ASHLEY VS. MNM(mixed tag match)

MNM wins the match by giving the snapshot to London. There is one word that describes this match, FORMULA. this match followed the WWE tag team match formula to a tee. Kendrick and London had some good spots but the formula took me out of this match quite a bit. You know the formula, match starts out normal the heel tag team isolates one of the wrestlers from the other team. That happens for a while until the hot tag and that wrestler comes in and cleans up until the heel team pulls a move out and steals the match.

THE GOOD
- Kendrick and London can put on a good match, and this match had some pretty interesting spots.
-Everyone in this match(except the women who I have chosen to disregard because they really didn’t affect anything) is pretty athletic so there were not many slow parts to the match

THE BAD
-The formula is killing me. It totally took me out of the match.
-Ashley and Melina were just thrown into the mix to build steam for Wrestlemania but it ended up hurting the match overall.

OVERALL RATING: BAD

After the break King Booker is backstage complaining about wrestling the Undertaker tonight when Finlay comes in looking for Hornswaggle. Booker asks Finlay for some advice when facing Undertaker, who tells Booker to RUN. Finlay leaves and Booker follows. Then Hornswaggle comes and tells Sharmel to kiss him because he’s Irish. He then proves that he is actually Irish by drinking Lager from an actual pint, you can’t get more Irish then that, p.s. pints are big when you’re a little guy.

WWE then spends the entire break pumping the Battle of the Billionaires match. I can not believe that this match is the most hyped for Wrestlemania. Under it all this is just a match between Lashley and Umaga.
I fucking hate Vince McMahon. He feels that he is the biggest thing about his show. I don’t care about this match. I don’t care so much that I feel like I need to say that again. I DON’T FUCKING CARE ABOUT THIS MATCH.

Back to the actual show and someone I don’t care about almost as much as Vince McMahon comes out, Kane. This has to be leading to what is probably going to be the worst match at this years Wrestlemania, Kane vs. The Great Khali. Kane seems to be coming out to fight Daivari. I didn’t think I would ever say this but GO Daivari.

KANE VS DAVAIRI

Its hard for me to even comment on this match. Mainly because it wasn’t really a match. It was Kane beating up on Daivari the whole time, until he grabs a hook with a chain on it and drags Daivari backstage. Kane must be trying to make a sequel to his movie, it’s going to be called I See No Evil In What You Did Last Summer. Kane then drags Daivari into a room filled with red light. I don’t know what he plans on doing to him in their but the last person he took in that room was Lita and he impregnated her. So this whole thing could get really interesting. Daivari could become mother to Kane’s middle eastern quasi devil baby, I have to stop and wonder what that would look like.

THE GOOD
-Nothing

THE BAD
-Kane

OVERALL RATING: SUCK

And right before the break Blahtista starts to come out to the ring. We get Blahtista twice in one night. Was I bad, did I do something to deserve this. Maybe it was when I made the comment about Kane and Daivari’s baby…….ok maybe I do deserve this.

It turns out that Batista is just doing guest commentary for the match between King Booker and The Undertaker. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Blahtista doesn’t stay at the commentator table the whole match

KING BOOKER VS THE UNDERTAKER

The is ruled a disqualification when Finlay runs in and hits The Undertaker with his rock on a stick. The match was pretty solid for a heavyweight match on Smackdown. Booker and Taker are showing their age but are able to get around it with descent ring presence. Blahtista on commentary is mind-numbing though. I haven’t heard someone this uninteresting since…….well The Miz and Batista from earlier.

THE GOOD
-The match flowed well considering that these guys aren’t the fastest wrestlers anymore.
- The match strayed from Taker’s formula by a bit, not much but still enough for me to notice.
- The match seemed to also have good psychology to it which made it more interesting

THE BAD
-I would have liked to see a clean finish for either wrestler but since it’s leading up to mania WWE doesn’t really allow clean finishes in main events, come to think of it they really don’t allow clean finishes in main events anytime
-Batista on commentary was ridiculously horrible and boring, I think the crowd is going to swing towards Taker at mania just because the guy can talk without putting people to sleep

OVERALL RATING: GOOD

After the match Booker and Finlay continue to beat down Taker until Taker turns it around and throws Booker into the ring. As he goes to throw Finlay into the ring he turns and tosses Finlay into Batista sitting at the commentator table. Man I’m beginning to really like The Undertaker. Taker then gets in the ring and chokeslams Booker before leaving the ring and heading backstage.

Overall this show felt very blah. It seems WWE is just coasting to Wrestlemania this year. I would have liked to see a little more happen in a show building up to the biggest pay-per-view of the year.

OVERALL SHOW RATING: Meh.

Well that’s all for this weeks down of smack. Join me next week to see if that whole middle east quasi devil baby thing comes true. Later Fuckies

This entry was posted by TheBoss on Saturday, March 17th, 2007 at 3:29 am and is filed under WWE SmackDown.