Hola, amigos - welcome to El Gringo’s column with No Name Needed (which will be referred to as the “Triple N” from now forward, ok?). Why does it not need a name? Because it doesn’t need a lot of things, like a concise direction, a regular posting schedule, a strong focus, or an overall point of any kind. Basically - I do a lot of writing for this site. Occasionally, I get some runoff ideas spinning around in my useless head and have nowhere to integrate them. This will be that “nowhere” - every edition of the Triple N will contain random ramblings and thoughts mostly pertaining (but I can’t promise always) to this wacky bitch we call pro wrestling.

On the nugget this week:

FACE-A-MANIA 23 (AND HOW IT SHOULD HAVE GONE DOWN)

For the first time since the double-title Wrestlemanias, we’ve got no heels in our two championship matches. Now we’re not talking about how the crowd reacts to these guys - we’re talking about character alignment. This is dumb and it just SCREAMS “Wrestlemania’s about the matches, not the build” - they’re shooting for that “dream match” idea again, pitting two guys against each other who have never faced in a title match. I have no problem with that. But it always got on my nerves when there was a perfect feud(s) for the championships leading up towards the end of the year, then they get kicked to the backburner for a whole new opponent. I’m kind of getting off topic here, but it was like last year when HHH main-evented ‘Mania against Cena. Edge was the one in that feud, but they just kicked it aside, only to pick it up right after - that annoyed me, but I could understand them not being sure about Edge’s ability to go big (or maybe they didn’t want to break his half-ass WM streak). I’m not going to be too hard on Smackdown’s title match from last year because that was all kinds of wacky and with Eddie’s passing and Kurt’s mid-season jump, I’m sure that their plans got fudged.

Our main events this year feature Undertaker vs. Batista and Shawn Michaels vs. John Cena - all faces. Taker is the biggest face of the four; he’s at “legend status”, which means he’ll never be booed again. HBK is a close second; he’s also got the status, but the closer we get to Canada, the more his guaranteed face heat starts to dwindle a bit. Now there’s Cena - the robo-face who had umpteen terrific opportunities to turn heel and they never had the balls to pull the trigger because he sells t-shirt. Then we come to Dave, whom I still don’t like and can’t figure out why anyone still does other than the fact that he doesn’t give you reason to hate him either.

Here’s the biggest problem with these matches - if you don’t have a clear, strong heel in the match, the FANS will decide who the faces & heels are. Unless the faces in the match are both super-strong and the crowd just goes nuts for the spectacle (Warrior/Hogan), someone is going to be favored. In this match, you have your new-generation superstars carrying the championships into the big show against two of the most recognizable, beloved, and popular wrestlers OF ALL TIME. They’re throwing Cena and Batista to the wolves - there is no way the crowd is going to be split for these guys against HBK and Taker. Basically, because there’s no strong heel/face relationship going into this match, the WM 23 crowd is going to shit all over the champions because neither of them have the draw that the veterans have. Unless the plan here is to put the challengers over and bury everything you’ve built for your new superstars, when either Cena and/or Batista beats their respective opponents (ESPECIALLY Batista - that streak is sacred and this guy would gain NOTHING by being the one to break it), prepare for a shitstorm.

It really didn’t have to be this way. Let’s move back to this year. We had two of the strongest heels we’ve seen in awhile (strongest meaning drawing the right kind of heat, not “Fire Jarrett” heat) in Edge and King Booker, both of whom got to carry the ball this year. What WWE seems to fail to realize is that the stronger the heel, the stronger the face. Just look at Edge in 2006 - he was really the only guy that was able to get the crowd to start popping for Cena again because they hated him so much. HHH couldn’t do it at WM22, Angle couldn’t do it at all the previous year (in fact, it was that feud with Angle that I believe started the revolt against Cena). But ol Rated R was able to draw face heat back out of John Cena. I’ll return to these guys in a minute…

Now, for King Booker, I don’t think anyone truly expected that to go as well as it did, but he made it work wonders and was getting great heat - the “love to hate” heat, which was boosted by him winning the strap from Rey Mysterio. At this point, Batista was gearing up for a comeback, which ended in him eventually regaining the championship.

I don’t know if anyone out there has noticed, but Batista isn’t exactly the mega-huge draw that they seem to think he is. He was coasting on the GIGANTIC rub that HHH gave him after WM21, and then coasting on the “injury pop” since his return from that. He forfeited the belt due to injury, he came back and farted around for awhile, then they threw the strap back on him, pretty much killing the King Booker character because it doesn’t work nearly as well without actually having a championship to justify his claims as “King….of the world”. Now he’s going to limp-dick it into Wrestlemania with pretty much no momentum.

Now back to Cena/Edge. This feud lasted a good portion of the year after Edge stole the strap from RVD. Problem is, that other than that “victory” over Cena in the triple threat (which he didn’t pin Cena), and the one match in which he retained the belt by hitting Cena w/ brass knuckles, Edge pretty much looked like he never truly had a chance. Cena got the strap back and here we are with the crowd not near as split as they were against Cena about this time last year, but he’s definitely not the super-face he once was.

Since he dropped out of the title picture, Edge got tossed into a feud to be buried by DX. One thing that did, however, was keep the crowd hating him - remember, he was against DX, who was a much greater lock than Cena for getting a good pop despite them being a bastardized version of the classic stable. Since DX (and the quad) has since blown up, Edge is back against two guys he’d already feuded with recently - HBK and Cena - he’s gaining nothing at this point; just treading water.

Being that both Cena and Batista haven’t exactly been getting the reactions you’d hope your superstar champions would draw, and definitely not the concrete reactions that HBK and Taker have drawn for years, they should have built the two WrestleMania main events up to be Edge vs. Cena and Booker vs. Batista, with Michaels having an interpromotional match with Undertaker. Here’s how and why (keep in mind that I might take some liberties with other storylines, and I‘m assuming Trips still blows the quad - it‘s not an exact science, but bear with it):

During that TLC match at Unforgiven 2006 with Edge/Cena where if Cena lost he went to Smackdown, have him LOSE. Give Edge that rub he needed to finally be viewed as a legitimate foil to John Cena - fuck, it was the match he (and TNA) made famous, and Cena hasn’t lost cleanly in FOREVER. That would pretty much end the feud at that point. But have Edge just go apeshit on Cena after the match, just beating the crap out of him and “injuring” him. Cena is forced to go to Smackdown where he takes the first month off due to injury (building hype for his return as a huge face on the show he had his rise on) and delaying his Smackdown debut until after Cyber Sunday (where we DON‘T have Champion of Champions bullshit) where he feuds with whomever until Survivor Series, when he gets his hands on Edge as a part of an opposing team. Meanwhile, DX stays on Raw as the top faces. Edge is now the dominant champion, and remains as such until New Years Revolution 2007, where after he wrestles in whatever match Cena, using the whole ticket-buying angle, makes a surprise run-in and just beats the shit out of Edge. We go to the Royal Rumble, where Cena WINS it (something he still hasn’t done) by eliminating HBK and Undertaker last, who were having an awesome confrontation in the Rumble, as they drew numbers 1 and 2. Cena, of course, opts to take on Edge (who has done nothing but build heat since they last fought) and the match is set for Cena (now firmly re-born as a face since he did something different for a change) to get his belt (and his win) back. Cena vs. Edge

As far as King Booker - build him as champion to the Survivor Series match with Batista, but add a stipulation - since Queen Sharmell cost Batista the match in their last encounter, Booker tells Dave that she will be banned from ringside, but the catch is that this is the last title match that Booker has to give to Batista, so if he loses, that’s it. Batista agrees, since he thinks he’s got this one. However, have Booker pay someone off to run-in and cost Batista the match, ensuring that King Booker never has to defend the belt against Dave again. Have Batista feud with whomever that person is (I’d say Finlay - a solid heel who could get Batista over again as a face) while Booker built his reign stronger to the Royal Rumble, where he retains the title against someone by totally cheating (someone like Benoit, who is massively over and the crowd would hate Booker for it). Now, since Cena won the Rumble, we need to determine the number-one contender for the World Heavyweight Championship. Teddy Long books a tournament; the finals of which take place at No Way Out, which Batista wins (booking the tournament carefully to give him the maximum amount of momentum). King Booker pitches a huge fit, saying that he didn’t have to defend the title against Batista due to that match stipulation. Teddy Long, as GM, says he was letting that rule stand, but since Batista won the tournament fair & square, it’s the same as the Rumble in this case - Booker’s got no choice. Booker vs. Batista

Now, the Taker/Michaels match needs no build. Just have them lock eyes in the Rumble and mow through people to build to the end, but have the fact that they become too focused on each other gets them eliminated. That leads to our HUGE cross-promotional match for the show - Taker vs. Michaels; Taker can keep the streak alive for one more year, and Michaels will lose nothing as he has long established himself. Just thinking about Michaels vs. Taker at ’Mania makes me giddy - it’s never been done. But this is fantasy-land….

Wrestlemania is turning into a cash cow; what can we toss together to make the most money, rather than what we can build up to in order to give our fans a Wrestlemania moment they’ll never forget. Hell, you can have both faces win both titles from both heels if you want; I guarantee if it’s booked right, people would love it. It’s not like it would be the first time - WM 21 had a very similar build to the one that I crapped out above, except JBL and HHH were getting borderline bad heat, whereas Edge & Booker were getting great heat. It pains me to think that all they had to do to resurrect interest in the stale characters of Cena and Batista was to book proper foils for them, but instead they’re just going to toss them and their championships to be eaten alive, while our guys who made this year tolerable with their heelish ways are stuck in a damn Money in the Bank match to have to literally climb the ladder again to earn another shot at that top spot, which sucks (and is another article all in itself - that match is a checklist of everything that kept WWE interesting this year, and none of them get a marquee match - survey says: FUCK THAT). Bottom line: I know who I’m pulling for at ‘Mania - and I’m probably not alone.

I’m El Gringo - and this was the Triple N.

As always, feedback is loved and adored.