Welcome fuckies to the best Smackdown review this week…..on this specific site. I hope you’re in for one titillating review this week because I sure am. If it sounds like I’m a little excitable its because I just got home from work, I’ve got a lot of caffeine running through my veins, and this is my first smackdown review. So lets get on with the down of smack.
It’s the 2nd of March and Smackdown is coming to you taped from San Jose, and lets get ready to Blah….Blahtista that is, wearing something that can only described as the fashion equivalent to a body cast. Blahtista seriously looks like he is going skiing in aspen with the Goodyear guy. We are then treated to another Blahtista promo, which is exactly like every other Blahtista promo. “I’m here to compete, I’m your champion.” This guy is rivaling John madden for pointing out the obvious. Until the even more obvious Undertaker interruption where he points out yet again that at wrestlemania Undertaker is the equivalent of a no armed man’s penis…unbeaten. And after all these years with the Undertaker we actually get to see something we’ve never seen, him actually tending graves, I guess wrestling was his side job all this time. And as we go to break we get Blahtista’s blank look to signify slight trepidation, not to be confused with his blank look signifying excitement, or joy, or any other of his blank looks.

Back from break and King Booker is coming to the announcer booth, where he actually made JBL and Cole kiss his ring as Matt Hardy comes to the ring. Then Mercury comes to the ring looking like Hannibal on queer eye for the metro wrestler

MATT HARDY VS. JOEY MERCURY(money in the bank qualifier)

Matt Hardy wins the match with a twist of fate of the top rope. This match seemed to flow pretty well. The crowd was very pro Hardy. There were some decent spots in the match including the previously mentioned twist of fate which Mercury sold the shit out of, especially considering the current state of his face. These guys seemed to work pretty well together which made the match more interesting.

GOOD:
- the match had some good psychology coming from Hardy and Mercury which made the match enjoyable to watch.
- King Booker on commentary was pretty interesting considering it sounded like Booker had forgotten he was a heel and just decided to put over the match.
- A decent finish to this match which was good considering the past of these two wrestlers.

BAD:
- It was kind of obvious who was going to take this match so it took me out of the match a little.
-We’ve seen these two wrestlers go at it time and time again. Something new would be appreciated. maybe this will be the last time these two meet for a while. HA!

MATCH RATING: GOOD

After the match we are treated to a backstage interview with MVP. He talks about punching his own ticket. I’m surprised Vince lets people do that at work.

After the break we are treated to look back at the ever famous Brawl 4 All where Bart Gunn got the ever loving snot beat out of him by a man named after a side dish. And we also get another lead in by Maryse, which I believe is directly translated to pointless bitch in French. I feel like calling a 1 800 number.
Then Scotty Too Hotty dances out to the ring followed by the waste of flesh Shannon Moore who’s bringing boring back, and Jimmy Wang Yang who were all supposed to laugh at because he’s a redneck Asian who’s name has a word associated with a penis, AH the creative minds in the WWE creative team. Then Helms comes out followed by Daivari and Chavo Guerrero.

SCOTTY NOT HOTTY, SHANNON MOORE, AND JIMMY WANG YANG VS. GREGORY HELMS, DAVAIRI, AND CHAVO GUERRERO

Jimmy Wang Yang gets the win for his team with a moonsault onto Daivari. This match flowed pretty fast which, considering the style of match this is, is a must. There were some pretty good spots for this kind of wrestling on WWE. There doesn’t seem to be much point to this match other then filling the show, but it works.

GOOD:
-The match speed kept up and never really slowed down which is a must for this type of match.
-The spots were well time out and executed which kept the match going.

BAD
- The over of all pointlessness of the match took away from the end result of a fairly entertaining match.
- Cole seemed not to know there was a match going on because he talked about everything else but the actual match. We’ve watched the show we know what’s going on, we don’t need to hear everything over and over.

OVERALL RATING: Good

After the match they recapped Rey Mysterio getting injury owned in his hometown by UUUUUMMMMAAAGGGAAAAAAA last week, sorry that was unnecessary.

After the break Mick Foley pimps his book which is fine by me, At least we get to see Foley in some respect.
Oh goody Vince comes out which can only mean Its time to sell everybody on why they should care about Vince even though nobody does. He then whores himself out more then a self pimping prostitute and then goes on to give himself and UMMMAAAAGGGAAAA verbal felacio (p.s. what the hell does systematically annihilate mean in reference to wrestling is that like ripping somebody’s limbs off every two minutes). And even though it’s Smackdown we get to hear about the battle of the billionaire cocksuckers even though it really doesn’t have much to do with the Smackdown at all. We get to hear about how this match is going to make national headlines. I work at a news station and take it from me this event wont even make it to that entertainment section which is to busy commenting on the sex habits of American Idol contestants. then a recap of why we should care even if we never will. Although I will say that the Lashley cage spot from ECW was pretty cool. Lashley then comes out to prove that the brand split really is meaningless. We have the standard stare down until Lashley’s turns down Vince’s advances and gets a bitch slap. Lashley then gives Vince the silliest angry eyes ever. It looked like a fat horny thirteen year old looking at a porno birthday cake.

Coming back from the break Vince is berating a P.A. when Kennedy interrupts and in a manner that can only be described as a puppy wanting to play fetch asks for a match against Lashley. Vince agrees and then makes it a no holds barred match but only for Kennedy. Lashley has to abide by the normal rules.

Back at ringside Ashley runs out while her boobs remain motionless. Jillian then comes out and sings in a manner that can be described as a the sound a duck would make when being put into an iron maiden

ASHLEY VS. JILLIAN

this match is Ashley vs. Jillian nuff said. Ashley wins off an elbow drop. This match is just an excuse to remind us that Ashley is showing her cash and prizes in playboy

GOOD:
-uuhhh……..boobs

Bad
- these two wrestling

OVERALL RATING: Bad

Back from break and Finlay is coming out for his match and the little guy is fucking with JBL. Then Finlay reminds Cole that instead of Bastard the little dudes name is hornswaggle……..right. MVP comes out with his usual, NFL player on steroids and cocaine, antics. then Chris Benoit waists no fucking time getting himself down to the ring.

FINLAY VS. CHRIS BENOIT VS. M.V.P. (money in the bank qualifier)

Finlay wins after nailing Benoit with the…..ok I not even going to try and spell shellalee….ah fuck it rock on a stick, while “hornswaggle” distracts the ref. This match was fairly mat centric. Benoit and Finlay were wrestling pretty stiff while MVP was trying to fit in to the whole style of the match. The matches flow was pretty standard for Finlay and Benoit but it did fall into the triple threat cliché style of two wrestlers working on each other while the other one over sells a minor bump on the outside. The ending was a bit of a let down but its Finlay and I shouldn’t be surprised because he’s heel and that’s what they do.

GOOD:
-Match style was pretty stiff and the overall match flow was pretty smooth
-Benoit and Finlay work pretty well together and MVP did alright fitting in even though he was the odd man out.

BAD
- The match eventually drifted into that old triple threat cliché match style where you never see all three men in the ring at once. There is always two men in the ring and one with his ass glued to the outside.
- The ending wasn ‘t really necessary even though it made sense these guys could put on a clean match but I can’t complain it’s an easy way to explain why the US champ lost.

OVERALL RATING: Good

After the match Cole starts talking about the hall of fame ceremony while mentioning Mr. perfect and Dusty Rhodes. Then a video package runs that explains why Jerry Lawler is being inducted, which is good because I am sure there are a few people out there who would like to know that its not just because he said puppies a lot.

Back from break to the introduction of the ECW world heavy weight title match, which is funny because …. you know that whole brand split thing. But who needs to let a little thing like continuity ruin a storyline. Kennedy comes out to his usual fair which includes getting on the mic and touting himself the future winner of the match. Then Lashley comes out in his usual style. I don’t know about you but I’m starting to think that Brock Lesnar Shaved himself and rubbed shoe polish all over his body because I don’t think you can get more like Lesnar without being him.

BLACK LESNAR VS. MR. KENNEDY ( ECW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH, on smackdown go figure)

Lashley wins with a powerslam on Kennedy. This match was extremely onesided in Kennedy’s favor for pretty much all of the match except for the end when Lashley decided not to sell anymore. The no holds barred stipulation basically added nothing to this match. I am sick of Kennedy losing matches on one move after owning his opponent the whole match. This match resulted in nothing happening which is the norm I guess but it’s still honey roasted bullshit.

GOOD
-Kennedy pretty much showed almost his entire repertoire, which was pretty good if your into Kennedy.

BAD
-The no holds barred stipulation was pointless and just another way to put over Lashley without him having to do any work
-Kennedy owned Lashley the whole match which made the ending a little hard to swallow.
-Lashley didn’t really look like he belonged at all in the match.

OVERALL RATING: Bad

OVERALL SHOW RATING:
Instead of the two point system I use for the matches I am going to use a three point system for the overall grade of the show. The ratings will be Good, Bad, and Meh which denotes indifference.
This show had decent matches but the overall focus of the show seemed to be pretty much money in the bank which kind of overwhelmed anything else going on. And I still don’t get the idea of Lashley coming to Smackdown to get slapped by Vince and have his title put on the line in a pure fuck Lashley style match.
Overall I would have to give this show a solid Meh.
Well until next time, I’m The Boss saying peace bitches.

This entry was posted by TheBoss on Saturday, March 3rd, 2007 at 3:36 am and is filed under WWE SmackDown.