ECW TV - 02/27/07
23Log’s ECW: the Re-CRAP
Feb 27, 2007
Yay! Tonight starts promising with a hanging steel cage and KENNEDY!!!!!! For a second we thought he’d been sent to ECW to die, but it’s just a Money In The Bank qualifying match. Thank god (for him, not us). By the way, this one is under EXTREME RULES!!! They really just toss that wherever they want, don’t they?
Mr. Kennedy vs. Sabu - winner: Mr. Kennedy……..Kennedy
23Log’s ranking: 
Of course Kennedy was going to win this one, and he does when Sabu tables himself. He’s about half & half with tables over his career. The way he’s gone with Vince this year, the only way Sabu will get to go to Wrestlemania is with a ticket - course, he’s from around Detroit so maybe he’s got a hookup at the gate or something.
BTW, tonight’s main event is Lashley vs. Hardcore Holly in the cage. What does Holly keep doing to earn title shots? The same thing Test was doing to earn them - SUCKING ASS.
Speaking of Vince - he’s here now. Don’t forget what it’s all REALLY about.
Now 5 of the 8 for the Money In The Bank are set. Guess they’re going to have to make 8 wrestlers in the ring at once for next years Smackdown vs. Raw game.
Next up is another “Originals” vs. “Not at alls” match.
Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney - winner: Snitsky
23Log’s ranking:
So-called match lasted maybe three minutes. Yep. DQ finish when Test’s replacement shows up and boots the shit out of everyone. Why? Who knows? Who cares?
Balls did hit a nice top-rope legdrop in this match. It might have been because he was shaven. We saw shaved Balls….uh huh huh… The joke had to be made.
Backstage to more Vince, who tells us that if Lashley doesn’t beat Hardcore Holly in the steel cage in less than five minutes, he automatically loses the belt, which now guarantees that we’ll see a bullshit main event. I can’t wait.
Tag team match: Kevin Thorn & Marcus Cor Von Monty Brown vs. Dreamer & RVD - winners: Not ECW, that’s for sure.
23Log’s ranking: I fucking hated this match. I don’t feel like explaining why.
Gangrel the Sequel gets the pinfall on RVD after Elijah Burke interferes & crotches Van Dam on the top rope, leading to a move that has apparently been named “The Dark Kiss” - pulled right from the pages of “How To Be A Goth”. I guess that’s better than what they’ve dubbed the “Pounce” for the Alpha Male: “a running modified shoulder spear tackle, Joey!!” Side note: Sandman spanked Ariel with the cane.
I love ECW. I also love pretending to shoot myself in the face.
Bob Holly is backstage and declares that no one alive can beat him in five minutes. Everyone’s laughing but him.
CM Punk vs. Stevie Richards - winner: Punk
23Log’s ranking:
Still waiting for a Pepsi Plunge, but the Muay Thai knee-to-the-face finisher will work fine for now. Where the hell did they dig up Stevie Richards? I think the last time he was on ECW he was jobbing to CM Punk then, too.
Trump/Vince package. Suck my package.
Jerry Lawler’s going to the Hall Of Fame. I don’t feel like commenting.
Before our five-minute main event we get EXTREME EXPOSE. Someone needs to put an upside down table in the ring and powerbomb all three of these chicks on it.
Now we’re finally ready for the match and they show the cage lowering. Can’t shit like that be done during the fucking commercials? Wow. Pulleys and fucking chains working together. Time for our awesome five-minute match.
Bobby Lashley vs. Hardcore Holly (in a CAGE!!!) - winner - who the fuck else?
23Log’s ranking:
Apparently Lashley’s the fucking undead because no one alive can beat Bob Holly in less than five minutes. Umaga shows up during this match and throws a chair into the cage, which Lashley uses to his advantage and beats the shit out of Holly before landing one of his many finishers, this one being the powerslam. You’d think if your name was “Hardcore” you might use the chair to YOUR advantage, but whatever.
The end of the show was pretty cool as we saw Lashley take out the wall of the cage by diving over the ropes into the fence, which broke on top of Umaga. Look like it hurt, but strangely enough there were NO “ECW! ECW! ECW!” chants….congratulations, McMahon. You killed it.
Best part of the show: Bob Holly saying he couldn’t be beaten in 5 minutes and then losing.
Who pissed me off this week: Non-ECW people beating real ECW people. Bullshit.
Later, bitches!